Of mirrors and men...

".... if a man can stand up to the mirror, he can stand up to life."... Quoted from Kings of the Evening (2007)

I been standing up to my mirror lately.... on tippy toes too, coz my mirror is not so big and is set a little high... and life; it has been staring me down, big smirk on it's face.... and it's all I can do not to turn around and run.... but stand up I must.

Tonight I cooked....

Again... the food got charred. But seeing how it's been more than a year... I should be glad I was able to turn on the stove without burning down the apartment:)

Oh! Hi Peeps.... Yeah, I'm still around... still bumming:)

Honey, I'm back... Busted out of the joint

"huh?" I startle myself out of a dream.... look around me and take in my bearing. I'm inside a car.... in the driver's seat of a cramped VW that's badly reeking of cigarette smoke. It's parked inside what apppears to be a large indoor parking garage. The passenger seat is empty but the window is down... a cool breeze is drifting in along with a few snatches of one end of a phone conversation. There is a girl leaning against the car, and she is on her cell phone. From what I can tell she is giving directions. Two words stand out.... "The Strip"

Vegas.... Again?

********

That's right. Me.... and five.... no, seven girls and the sin city. Praise the Lord.. Halleluhia.....

But not so fast

Two hours into the quick trip to pick up a rental and am beginning to rue my accepting of this arrangement. Female company is highly overrated... I'm thinking, and the possibility of some group action is quickly losing it's allure. I mean... how does a quick stop to pick up some necessities at a CVS take an hour... couldn't these necessities have fit in their carry on luggage like mine did? And besides, if they are necessities shouldn't they be easier to find...

Hmmm! 28.00 dollars for the 1.75l Captain vs $21.00 for the three quarter liter? I should probably stick with Vodka this time around though... ati how much for the Grey Goose? O.k. maybe we'll go with the Sky we've learnt to love.

Oh! Kei..... Don't worry about the Vodka... we've got plenty in the room... it's cheaper in Texas.

"Oh Yeah?"... maybe this ain't that bad... but can we leave already? Holy Shit... a whole cartfull of necessities? How in the world are we going to fit all that stuff plus the luggage we picking up at the airport in the trunk of that tiny Jetta?

Fade in to three hours and three yeiger bombs later....

Oh my word... girls are crazy... and quite shameless too.... all this sex talk is having a funny effect on me. Or is it the alcohol? Hard Rock Cafe here we cummeth..... but first, a quick stop at the drug store we were at earlier. Be right back ladies.....

Twenty minutes later, all but one of the girls dropped off at the club... I finally find a parking spot. I take out the packet from the drug store and start to roll up a small one... I am definitely loving this city... where else can u pick up a dime at your local drug store.

It takes my drunk ass a long couple of minutes but finally I think I'm ready to light up and join Bob Marley in Kayaville. I reach for the lighter that should be in the dash but it's not there. Open the glove compartment... nada. Pat pockets..... Okay, there has to be a lighter in this car somewhere.... oh come on... lighter anyone? Frustrated, I lean back n try to think....

******

'Oh my God... he is up..... three hours later.... how are we doing Kei?" A very familiar looking face peeks in through the passenger window. I start to answer but my mouth is dry. I notice a half empty cup in the cup holder and take a swig.... and come close to sputtering the contents all over the steering wheel as the straight Jack Daniels scorches its way down my throat.

I bring up my left arm and start to wipe away at whatever little managed to escape my mouth and I notice the roll up in my hand. Looks like a joint that is yet to be lit... what the hell.....

So it happened again….

“Reality is fake, dreams are for real” …Tupac Shakur

Once again, this morning, from a nightmare I arose

….twice or thrice a week, these past months, I’ve had this same dream….. that I’d wake up one day, thirty and old, with nary a bit to show, for the score and a half of a pitiful existence, but a resume replete with unfinished masterpieces, amazing fetes half pulled, and a bright future barely lived….. and ……. twice or thrice every week, I reached for me bottle…. and shivering, I’d took a swig, to help brave the day, and wash away the cold sweat that had broken in my mind…… glad that it was just a dream.

Once again, this morning, from the same nightmare I arose

….. with one arm I reached out and wiped the cold sweat that had broken on my brow, and blindly searched with the other for my escape…. and as I swung it desperately towards my mouth, it finally dawned on me…. Tupac may have been right, but now he was dead.

Half full my ass…. the fucking bottle is empty, and this is not a dream….. life’s a bitch innit!

Finally..... My final respects

Last year I half joked about not being able to think things through... alluding to my inability to take things seriously and blaming my mother for it seeing how all that I am today can be directly attributed to how she raised me. This morning as I struggle to hold back a legion of emotions that are threatening to explode and overwhelm me, I can only smile bitterly as I consider the irony of it all. If only I could be half the man that she raised me to be.

Anyway, one August day last year, I started what follows below....a letter to my mother, and meant to post it as my middle of the year "Mother's day" post. It had occurred to me that "Mother's Day", while being a really good idea, was really shortchanging our mother's who most certainly deserve to be recognized every single day for the hard work they've done and for their undying love... I never got to finish it.... and even more sadly, I never got to send it.

This Mother's Day, I'd like to dedicate this, perhaps my final post on this blog, to the greatest woman I know. There are not enough words in my vocabulary to give a fitting enough tribute to her. Those who may have had the good fortune to have met and known her will bear testimony to this:- That 'Seeking neither fame nor fortune, she gave of her wealth, her time, and her self, time and time again, in ways and manner that a thousand words from me, or from anyone else for that matter, would never justify. In her kind, soft-spoken but firm manner, she affected many a life in a way that only a sincere soul could and left an indelible that eternity itself will never erase.'

I owe her my life, my love and my gratitude. I will forever be indebted to you mum. Your passing may have been sudden and unexpected but you've left a surplus in our lives that will abound for the rest of our lives. May we honor your memories in everything that we do.

Honestly.....

I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~ Charles C. Finn

ROC BOYS

 

And the winner is..... Me.

 

I'm not that crazy about concerts.... in other words, there is not that many artists that I'd sell my grandmother to go see. Matter of fact, I can only think of one - Bob Marley; and luckily for my sweet granny, they both dead.

So it turns out that a girl I know doesn't have many friends... and the few she does, four to be exact, are very generous.... generous enough to buy her two pricey tickets to go see Hov, who, coincidentally, she likely would have sold her granny to go see... perhaps those friends aren't just being generous, maybe they are acting in her grandmother's best interest....

Anyway, whatever the case, turns out that of all her four friends and 6 Billion plus non-friends in the world, I'm the lucky one who happens to be free to go with her. Or at least the first one to say yes?

So...

Look for me! Young, Me
Cruisin down the Masspike - high, way
Doing what some y'all 'd like to do - our, way
Eyes behind shades, this necklace the reason
this one's gonna be, a blind date
But today, I got my thoroughest girl wit me
I'm mashin the gas, she's grabbin the wheel, it's trippy how hard
She rides with me - the new Bobby and Whitney
Only time we don't speak is while payin the friggin toll
She gets to carry the change, but soon as the payin is over
She's right back to being my soldier
Cuz mami's a rider, and I'm a roller
Put us together, how they gon' stop both us?
What ever she lacks, I'm right over her shoulder
When I'm off track mami is keepin me focused
So let's, lock this down like it's supposed to be
The 2010 Bonnie and Clyde, Her and Me

 

 

image stolen from here