Monday, June 30, 2008

El Patron.... And the month is gone.

Here's to a happy July.

June came and June went.... just like that.
We survived...
A little bent, perhaps, but break we did not.
The landlord's still waiting for my rent....
My drink's all but gone flat.......
We'll toss it out the window....
The month and the flat drink both.
Libation to my @$$hole of a neighbour, downstairs.

Happy July all y'all.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

# 17

Final proof that Kobe is not the best basket-ball player in the world.....

2008 Champions

The wretched of the earth.

The sins of the fathers, have visited from old
The never ending circle, of people bought and sold

So the wretched of the earth, will huddle from the cold

As the ship a full goes sailing, and motion back as gold

And amongst them I walked... shuffled more like it. Head shamefully bowed, eyes permanently fixed, to a spot two yards ahead of me, staring down, avoiding any eye contact lest I met a familiar face. Resolving never to look back... to always to move forward, though in perpetual circles.

But that didn't last long. This new world I was living was something else.... with millions of sights and sounds... though you didn't notice them at first. No, you tried to ignore them, you paid all your attention, instead, to shadows; yours and theirs.... and the stench - as vile as the vilest thing you could think of..... and the whispers and the glances that you thought were directed at you.

And the waiting.... for that mugging that you knew must be coming, even though you were keenly aware of your lacking in any valuable possessions. That waiting had you barely breathing.... afraid to make any noise, afraid to stand out any more than you obviously were.

But I waited and waited... and no attack came. Instead, in a moment of distraction, the most innocuous of noises, a loud guffaw... deep heartfelt laughter... from somewhere ahead of me.

Then, I had looked up and seen the friendly faces... the open arms, the raised glasses...

"Here's to your good health, sir," they seemed to toast.

I searched their faces... for some sign of hostility, malice.... pity... there was none. If anything... there was indifference. They didn't care that I had once separated myself from them. That I had looked down on them.... nose upturned in disdain, like I was better than they were. That I had chosen to walk a different path... one on a higher elevation.

I'd have spat on me, had I been in their place.

Instead they acted like they didn't care. Perhaps they didn't, lost as they were in ignorant bliss. What did they know of a higher life..... To aspire to live a life of significance was an oxymoron to them. They tended to put little significance in anything they did. The only thing that was significant about their lives was that they still had it.

They invited me to join them, to live it up... to live for the day. And I, though a little hesitant at first, embraced them back. They became mine and I became theirs... just as I was, with the little that I had.... I was one of them.... the wretched of the earth.

Side by side, we toiled..... to fulfill our basic needs.... to sate those thirsts...... all of life's lusts.

I enjoyed being one of them..... for a little while... but in the back of mind, I knew something wasn't right. This was too good to be true. I had seen what life had in store for us... this wasn't it. Not these cheap delights... nothing was supposed to come this easy. Real life required strife... a constant reaching for something higher, something more meaningful. Goals... dreams with deadlines..... suffering for worthy causes.... sowing and reaping.

But I was not ready to leave... not anytime soon.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Climbing.... Down

The last time I went over the edge.... it was a long way down... and I had no control over my descent... as a matter of fact I had hit the bottom before I could figure out what the hell was going on.

And when I hit it, I hit it hard. I was left a broken man, with a broken body and even worse a broken spirit....

And angry..... a timid anger at self... fueled by self loathing. A timidity that saw my aspirations crucified to the nearest stump... forever tethering me to these plains of mediocrity... that I may for eternity remain among my likes... these wretched of the earth.

I learnt a good lesson then, I was not going that route again. This time when I once again found myself teetering over the edge.... and recognizing it for what it was.. as well as my innate inability to reverse direction, I decided if I was going down, I might as well enjoy the journey.

This time I am going down my way... and I am taking my time doing it. I'll enjoy the scenery, take in the sights and sounds, accost those who slowly are trying to find their way back up, find out what it is I am to expect where I am going.

Those on the fast track I'll leave the hell alone, lest their momentum carries me back up with them. I cannot afford to mess with my destiny. I must climb all the way down... I must find that which beckons to me from below... that which together with fate has construed to nullify all my efforts at self-development... that which has made all the knowledge in my head useless.

Yes, I must find out what it is that has been gnawing away at my ambition.... stealing my ability to dream and sabotaging my efforts at self mastery. It lies somewhere down there - where I am headed.... but I am not in a hurry to confront it. I'll take my time to develop a plan... prepare my speech, arm myself with what little intellect I have left and try to convince myself that dying to save my soul is a worthwhile endevour.

Who knows, I might even change my mind on the way... God knows it won't be the first time I am quitting. Besides, quitting in this way might occur to some of you to be a triumph of the human spirit.... no?

There goes that adage of winners never quiting.... or is it quitters never winning?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Day off....yay!

Howdy peeps... hope you all good and keeping cool... or warm depending on what side of this mother we fondly refer to as earth you are on. As for me.... I am home on a Tuesday morning .... 9:19 as we speak, contemplating what to do with my free self after I get my molars and premolars cleaned... professionally. I took the day off knowing that I'd need a day to recuperate from my long weekend.... oh yes, I forgot to mention.... if you didn't see me lurking in your blogs these past few days... its because I had real life drama to participate in. I traveled over the weekend to the land of 10,000 lakes to watch my friend get her 2nd Masters degree... and for three days, I did not have a care of my own... instead I had a lot of fun, and food and drink and humidity and not necessarily in that order. So yes, to recuperate, I am thinking I should perhaps sit in the shade and watch people, or watch T.V Perhaps I should finish one of those numerous books I've recently started to read but stopped midway, or maybe sit down and blog. I think I'll start by finishing that meme that I promised Beth I'd do...... Hope you all have a great day at work and a good rest of the week. I'm out:)

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Talking a lot and saying nothing

Many a voice have taken refuge in my head...

the intellect, the sluggard, the mumbler and the restless...
the sensible one and the senseless and the reckless
and the coward, yeah him too....

And they all be talking, but I know not what they be saying