Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Holy Sh!#! A Hotness Crap Award... Who coulda thot.

First and foremost, ladies and gentlemen, let me start by saying how sorry I am that I am late and unprepared for this auspicious occasion. Usually, while I have been known to be late on more than a few occasions, it has been a great source of pride and joy for me to know that I have never once been late because of being unprepared… As a matter of fact I have on all those said occasions been quite prepared to be late. Today, however, I came really close to ruining that impeccable record. But, as it was whispered to me backstage by none other than the cue boy, I was not late because I was unprepared; rather, I was unprepared because I was late.

Anyway, to cut a long story short…. the son of a gun (not to be confused with Our Kid) that was supposed to read my acceptance speech for me bailed out at the last minute… and not having that many friends in blogosphere (tongue in cheek), I was forced to show up albeit quite late, and unprepared. But what to do.. huh.

My wise grandfather taught me very little about speech giving. In fact, if my long term memory serves me right, he only taught me one thing about everything. And that was that one shouldn’t use three words where two will suffice.

So…...Thank You.

Tandra… thanks a bunch for having faith in my ability to overcome my inability to be really honest. And Crystal... Am not sure what I like more... that you took me seriously or the compliment you so graciously lavished upon me. So here goes nothing….

1. Honesty : I don’t do honest…. That’s just me. I’m too modest.

2. Seriously: Well… I don’t do that either. And it’s not that I don’t try… I do. I just don’t get far with it. I can honestly say that I seriously don’t get anywhere with being serious.

3. Work: Very inspiring…. Company policy explicitly states that I am not to read or write or comment on blogs… Yet, most of my inspirations occur while at work and seeing how my memory is so short term, I am forced to use devious ways to write and publish them while at my very open work station.

Why do I play this Russian Roulette with my main source of sustenance? Beats me…. Could be I like the thrill… Like how I started drinking at Sixteen and quit (for five years) after I turned legal at 21…. Or maybe it’s coz I am usually either too lazy or too drunk to write coherently when I am home. Yes… I am writing this in the middle of a really busy day…..

4. Girls… Yes, they come fourth on my list. At least they are higher up than boys. I like girls, older girls in particular. I find them so…. Ummmm….. mature. LOL! Of all my failed relationships, 90% or so have been with someone older. Largest age difference being closer to twenty years than I am comfortable with. Perhaps, right there, lies my problem…

Mhmmm! Something else to ruminate on.

5. Men…. I am constantly wondering about my father. Who he is… where he lives… Does he still live… Does he have another family… Do I have siblings I know naught about….. Perhaps that might explain number four. Perhaps not…. But just imagine if I went out with a young lovely one who, God forbid, just happens to be my blood sister… and imagine if she, like me, didn’t care too much about customary courting and one day our child twenty or so years from now decides to take it upon themselves to research their family tree.

6. Aspirations 1 - I wish I was a little bit taller…. My I.D. claims that I am 5’10”…. Which I am with my shoes on. And that is not short if I were on location with Locococomoco at whatever East Asian land mass she happens to be doing whatever she’s doing from.. But where I am, I truly wish I was a little bit taller coz I hate being at armpit level especially in a techno club.

7. Aspirations 2 – I can’t quite see me doing this for much longer. Somebody needs to come up with an application that will let me dictate my blog posts soon or else I will resort to drawing them. Pictures are supposed to speak a thousand words anyway… aren’t they?

8. Aspirations 3 – Yesterday I got up at 6:40 A.M. to start training to run the Boston Marathon in 2010. This morning, I dragged my sore aching body yelling and screaming halfway through the routine before it collapsed in a dead heap on the muddy tracks. And for what for?

9. I love to talk about myself… don’t we all, but being so not talkative at all has it’s disadvantages… hence why, given this opportunity, I could go on and on and on, writing about myself, but I’m afraid that if I do, you will begin to see through the bullshit n all. Mhmmm... maybe that's why I don't talk much.

10. I never realized before that ten was such a huge number. I feel like I have been typing forever.

Oh! I knew there was a string attached to the darn award:)

1.You must brag about the award - Check
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger - Check
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

Loco - Whenever u get back

Shiko - Welcome back

Maua - I miss your smile. Where u at?

Nikolas - Think u can get off of tweeter long enough.

- Dude... just some Kavau love

Gream - U can consider this an electronic mugging.

Our Kid - Wewe ni wetu... ama?

Mo - Something to mull on as u sip on your coffee.

Joy - You might actually enjoy doing this.

ABE - AnyBody Else if u should feel so inclined.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Eureka.... Anaa light bulb moment

This ruminating business sure is paying off. On the 9th day it has occurred to me that I actually have an eating disorder.. I know, I know whoever heard of an African with an eating disorder. But well the symptoms are quite distinct, I think, and indicative of this condition which my limited medical vocabulary has led me to resort to laymans terms short term memory loss. Presented with food, free of course, I will forget that I just recently ate and gorge my face and that too is soon forgotten God forbid there be a third helping of free food. I will also, on occasion, forget that I have not eaten and not bother to. Very enlightening these light bulb moments. On the tenth day, perhaps, Ill rest.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Just ruminating....

.... on life and it's uncanny ability to remind us in some not so subtle ways that we are not as in control as we would like to think we are. So here I am seated at my desk shuffling papers back n forth from one part of it to the other wondering why the heck life seems to be so sucky at this particular moment.

My girl, God bless her sweet soul, is miles away; my local clandes, for lack of a better word, have shunned me ever since word leaked out that I was now seeing someone regularly....
(aside)..the very same clandes that didn't mind hooking up even when they knew of my other liaisons so to speak....now how two faced is that? Anyway, so no action for weeks on end and what with my right hand incapacitated by carpal tunnel, things, to say the least, are not looking up.

But, as they say, every cloud has it’s silver lining; and, not seeing any other, I will take it that this chance to ruminate and the single light bulb moment - that came about eight or so days into the rumination,when I finally figured out that I really don’t like being in a relationship, as the silver lining my cloud. Actually, now that I think of it, it does seem apparent, looking at my relationship history or the lack thereof, that I have self sabotaged just about every chance I’ve had at a lasting relationship. And this goes for more than just my romantic relationships…. Jobs, business, friendships, etc etc.

On a brighter note, last week I finally decided to check out Dexter on Showtime on Demand. I ended up watching five episodes before I finally had to tear myself away after I realized I was seeing more and more of myself in the main character. Now, you are prolly wondering how identifying with a serial killer qualifies as a brighter note esp when that is actually supposed to be his (Dexter’s) dark side.

I know..... I don’t know either. I think it has to do with the fact that I finally realized that even while I am and have always felt alone in my world, and even though nobody really understands me, I am not really alone coz apparently there are many other lonesome souls out there living in their own little misunderstood worlds and every now and then someone goes out and writes their story and Showtime decides to make a series based on that book. I should one day be so lucky……

Friday, April 3, 2009

Dreadlocs vs Boob job

A somber, or should I say sobering, moment infront of my mirror this morning led to the realization that I cannot, with a good conscience, continue to put off that make-over job I've been procrastinating on these past few years.

Due to that long-standing absolute law of economics otherwise AKA Opportunity Cost, I have to choose between doing up my hair and toning up my body. Both should,hopefully, have the same desired effect of giving my personality a much needed boost of character and who knows maybe even the much sought after side-effect of attracting and holding the attention of the opposite sex.

Now, recession or no recession, this make-over is way overdue and cannot be put off any longer... and being the patriot (sic) that I am, I have to take O's lead and inject some cash into our ailing economy and hope... even should his unprecedented spending spree not lead to the recovery we are all crossing our fingers for, that posterity will remember the intent of my contribution and not judge me too harshly.

So... the costs from a not too analytical point of view and not bothering with updating the figures from years ago when I last attempted the same make-over on a much younger body.

Twisting - $60.00
1 follow ups @ $40.00 each - $40.00
Bi-weekly touch -up @ $25.00 each - $600.00
Cleaning & Conditioning supplies $9:00 per month - $108.00

Total yearly cost $808.00

Sign up fees - $79.00
Uniform plus $100.00 running shoes - $170.00
monthly chrgs @ $39.99 - $479.88
Yearly renewal - $79.00

Total yearly cost $807.88

Mhmmm! Tough choice to make... and now that I see what it's gonna cost me, perhaps I should just let those with the money do the economy revival injection thing... After all, it's the thought that counts.. right?

Besides, I'm an artist... no? No one should care how I look as long as I keep pretending to write... right?