Monday, June 29, 2009

Running down the dream...

I rolled on as the sky grew dark
I put the pedal down to make some time
Theres something good waitin down this road
Im pickin up whatever is mine

Yeah runnin down a dream
That never would come to me
Workin on a mystery, goin wherever it leads
Im runnin down a dream

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Runnin' down a dream

I stand here... in front of my bathroom mirror... still slightly out of breath. I stare back at the mischievous pair eyes on the other side... and can't help myself as I grin sheepishly and wipe the sweat that's trickled down my forehead and into my my eyes.... I can taste the saltiness as some of it finds its way past my lips into my mouth. That was quite a run... I muse as I contemplate my glistening body bathed in sweat.....

'I feel good...' I feel like yelling. And I'm feeling it too.

The kinda tired, worn out good that one feels after an unexpected session of morning sex.... my favorite kind if you care to know. You know the kind where you roll over after a long night out... and eventual loss of memory.... and, lo and behold, your arm falls upon a soft fleshy mass that can not be your pillow. And before u can say... 'whoa!'... a fleshy thigh reaches over and straddles yours... and you and your morning glory recoil in horror... that is until u ascertain that the thigh is feminine and that the flesh you inadvertently caressed was of the mammary kind.

And then your manly instincts take over, allowing you to slowly wake up to the choreographed rocking of your bodies amid loud bed noises, as the two of you attempt to remake the soundtrack to Sex and the City... but succeed only in annoying the neighbors instead... as they come to to the sounds of you two coming.... Then, exhausted, you both lay back... lost in your own little worlds.... She, amazed that she actually came... and you thinking to yourself... 'wow, this sure beats wanking.." just before you begin to drift back to sleep.... smiling inwardly to yourself... only to be brought out of it by that fleshy thigh that all of a sudden feels much heavier than before...

But I digress, I was telling you about the feeling I'm feeling as I stand in front of my vanity mirror... tiptoeing as I try to see the rest of my body, below the neck, and cursing myself for picking out this tiny mirror when the Landlord rewarded our tenancy with a complete house renovation. It did seem like a grand idea at the time (maybe grand isn't the right word).... didn't care much about seeing my whole self in the unflattering lighting in there... It was bad enough that I was dragging my increasingly out of shape body around every day... I didn't need to see how it looked every morning. Or was it a need to prove my manly lack of vanity? I forget.

Anyway, on tip toes, I can swear the man boobs are flattening out and though the love handles are still prominent... they seem to be taking up a hardness that wasn't there before. The curve of the belly seems to be tapering more... 'Soon...' I console myself... Soon... by the end of this summer even, those abs will be well defined. I let out the air I've been holding and look away, but not before catching a glimpse of the relaxed flesh rolling over the evidence I had just been admiring.. Forlorn, I drag my aching body into the shower and let the hot water drown out the thoughts... the aches and the longings.

Ok... truth is not as entertaining as fiction... so u can mosey over here for an alternate ending.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tonight was a great night.....

Who coulda known that great food could fill the soul so well? The makers of Soul Food were on to something, that's for sure.

Monday, June 8, 2009

A non-runner.... Training for a marathon


'You can do this, if you want to. the only prerequisite is that you really want to. You don't have to be in shape - you don't even have to like to run. You only have to be willing to make yourself a priority equal to all the others in your life for 16-20 weeks. If you follow the training program as outlined in this book you will finish a marathon! And it will be an experience that will change you forever.'***

Sounds to me like a sales pitch for an MLM program... right? Or perhaps the intro to a self-help book. Perhaps it is that... according to the authors, the program outlined in this book when followed, will not only ensure that I finish a marathon, but that by the time I do so, I will have raised my self esteem too. Now really.... I mean, I have been running for a couple of weeks now, and if what I've felt, the pain not withstanding, at the end of each run and for hours after that is anything to go by, I highly doubt that I'll be able to hold my body up, let alone my self esteem. But that must be one of those voices of self doubt that the authors claim I have to shut out. Mhhmmm!

Anyway, so here I am, bogged down by strained calf muscles and frustration from my inability to breathe in any functional manner after just a half hour of running. The realization that I am not a runner did not come as an epiphany.... noooo... Actually I've known it all along if I should care to look back... I mean, that I once hid in the rafters of my dormitory to avoid running cross-country back in primary school is proof enough that I am not...... And that after four years at Kavau, my required P.E. uniform was still crisply folded at the bottom of my box... still new and unused.

So, why the marathon? One may ask. Actually, I am not sure..... I jumped onto this particular wagon in the same manner that I've pretty much done all the other wagons I've jumped on in the past.... without giving much thought to what the hell it will take. Of course if I had stopped long enough to realize that nanowrimo would demand more from me than a couple of hours a week and that I'd be expected to write 50,000 words.... Wait, I knew all that beforehand. O.k. If, perhaps, I had known exactly how many, 50,000 words really are... Or, if I had known how daunting door to door sales were when I allowed myself to be talked into into selling Cutco knives... Or if I had thought about all I'd be losing by getting into my last relationship, and the one before it, and the one before that other, then maybe I would not have gotten into any of them in the first place.

But I don't have that luxury... of thinking ahead that is. I see a challenge, and I think I am up for it. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Apparently, as a human being, I have this inherrent desire to test my limit.... hmmmhhh! I don't know about that..... in search of how far I can go. And that the avenue of this testing is limited only by my imagination, my fear threshold, and my financial resources. Now, that last one did ring a bell.... I honestly would rather be traveling the world, drinking and dancing my life away... but I lack the resources.... so marathon it is for this non-runner.

***The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer
- By David A. Whitsett, Forrest A. Dolgener and Tanjala Mabon Kole

Monday, June 1, 2009

Groan... Madaraka Day my f....

(Addendum to prior post)

Running, I'm finding, is quite liberating. I am so sore..... all my muscles, some I had no idea even existed, are speaking out.... nah, shouting in protest is more like it.

On the other hand, I am now living fast.... like literally. Went drinking last night and what do you know, I already caught up with my hangover and overtook it. I can actually look back and smile... now ain't that something.

O.K. Gotta keep going.... can't linger around here if I am serious about getting away from myself.

Lord I got to keep on moving
Lord I got to get on down
Lord I've got to keep on moving
Where I can't be found,
Lord they coming after me
- Bob Marley