Monday, June 16, 2008

Climbing.... Down

The last time I went over the edge.... it was a long way down... and I had no control over my descent... as a matter of fact I had hit the bottom before I could figure out what the hell was going on.

And when I hit it, I hit it hard. I was left a broken man, with a broken body and even worse a broken spirit....

And angry..... a timid anger at self... fueled by self loathing. A timidity that saw my aspirations crucified to the nearest stump... forever tethering me to these plains of mediocrity... that I may for eternity remain among my likes... these wretched of the earth.

I learnt a good lesson then, I was not going that route again. This time when I once again found myself teetering over the edge.... and recognizing it for what it was.. as well as my innate inability to reverse direction, I decided if I was going down, I might as well enjoy the journey.

This time I am going down my way... and I am taking my time doing it. I'll enjoy the scenery, take in the sights and sounds, accost those who slowly are trying to find their way back up, find out what it is I am to expect where I am going.

Those on the fast track I'll leave the hell alone, lest their momentum carries me back up with them. I cannot afford to mess with my destiny. I must climb all the way down... I must find that which beckons to me from below... that which together with fate has construed to nullify all my efforts at self-development... that which has made all the knowledge in my head useless.

Yes, I must find out what it is that has been gnawing away at my ambition.... stealing my ability to dream and sabotaging my efforts at self mastery. It lies somewhere down there - where I am headed.... but I am not in a hurry to confront it. I'll take my time to develop a plan... prepare my speech, arm myself with what little intellect I have left and try to convince myself that dying to save my soul is a worthwhile endevour.

Who knows, I might even change my mind on the way... God knows it won't be the first time I am quitting. Besides, quitting in this way might occur to some of you to be a triumph of the human spirit.... no?

There goes that adage of winners never quiting.... or is it quitters never winning?

6 comments:

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

But KK as you say, you've hit bottom before. You already know what is there. Up is the way to go bro! Up Up Up! Take heart. All the best.

But promise if indeed you climb down you'll spring right back?

cbthree said...

do they have i.net in that there rockbottom? coz if they don't i'm coming for you with a rope - i need my dose of keifix dear.

Maua said...

I was just about to complain, coz like cb, I miss ya fixes, and now this.

Should we send the 'analyst' to prescribe something.

sybella said...

it seems tight... but wanjiku is right, you have nowhere to go but up...

you need to find some motivation, can i come prescribe something?

31337 said...

its difficult to get lost if you have no destination to shoot for kind of thing, sir?

bOMSEH said...

This time you must really figure out what the hell is going on down there, so that when you return you remain for good.