Your eyes are supposedly the windows to your soul or something like that....... mine also happen to be my soul's window to the heart; and how nourishing a view they offer. This log, at inception, is supposed to record the outpouring from my soul.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
True North?
Please tell me.... If I ain't heading that way, what does it matter then where the true north is?
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Devil's Advocate
Kevin Lomax: God dammit, what did you do to my wife?
John Milton: Well, on a scale of one to ten... ten being the most depraved act of sexual theatre known to man... one being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomaxes' household... I'd say, not to be immodest, Mary Ann and I got it on at about... [counts on his fingers]
John Milton: ... seven.
"What movie is this?" I ask the gentleman seated on the next seat. He answers with his eyes still glued to the 27" Panasonic in front of us. I settle back into my seat and continue to watch Al Pacino rant on as the devil... Satan's never been played so coolly...... I'm thinking.
"How's the party downstairs?" My neighbor asks.
I start at the sound of his voice. I must have drifted off. There is a commercial on T.V. The movie must have ended.
'Loud...' I want to say.
Instead, I look at my almost empty bottle of Heineken before replying. "....too many dudes, not enough booze"
"Or booty" I add as an afterthought.
"How was the movie?" I look up as I ask....
Dude is looking at me quizzically... Like he is aching to ask me something but is not sure if he should.
"It was great..." He replies somewhat absentmindedly.
"How do you know my girlfriend?" He asks after a short pause.
Now that there is a question I have never been asked before... It is heavily loaded with something... am not sure what.
"I know your girlfriend?" I ask with the most indifference I can muster in my voice.
I look at him closely as I answer. His face is vaguely familiar but for the life of me I cannot place it.He is studying my face too... I guess he's wondering if I am pulling his leg.
"Yes..." He replies... Probably satisfied that am on the level."We met at 'The Crossroads' a little while back. She introduced us."
'Leah!' My heart skips a beat.
I take a swig from my nearly empty and hope the shock did not register in my face. That's right.... no wonder his face looked so familiar.
I was drunk then....very. I wished I was as drunk now.
"Oh yeah!... That's right.... Leah. I'm sorry, I didn't quite recognize you. How is she? Is she here with you?" I'm hoping I don't sound as uneasy as I'm feeling.
"No she's working overnight."
Really? I think to myself glad that she's not. "Her mother and my aunt were great friends. That's how we met." I explain in answer to his first question.
"Didn't she tell you?"
" I never asked her." The dude seems a little embarrassed by my question as he replies.
"Its just strange that the two of you acted like you were real close yet she had never mentioned you before." He goes on to explain himself.
Trying very hard not to sound defensive... I explain that she and I were pretty much all we had for company when we first met. We had just recently arrived stateside and everyone we knew was a boring adult. Consequently, we had spent a lot of time together though we did not have much more in common other than our ages... That we did not get that close coz she had this boyfie who was still in Kenya... blah blah blah...
I am literally saved by the bell when the doorway to the basement opens and regurgitates a rowdy bunch, the cacophony that accompanying them drowning out my lame words.... Seizing my opportunity, I tell him I need to get another beer and bolt downstairs.
I spend the rest of the night watching out for the guy and avoiding any girl who looks halfway married. That means all.... even one Ivy who I'd been eying earlier.
I recently met Ivy at another party. I know she's not married... but I suspect she's taken. One young fella barely out of his teens had been hanging onto her skirts like a sick puppy at the last party. I have not seen him at this one.... but it matters not.
I spend the rest of the night at the DJ's booth.... nursing a guilty conscience.
Why did he look at me like that?
Had he read my blog?
Nobody calls it the Crossroad... He must have read my blog
The questions are endless... All have the same guilt ridden answer... "He knows."
Around 5 O'clock... I figure I've had enough and decide to leave. I need to find a decent girl and settle down... I'm thinking.
As I walk out to my car... Ivy is struggling to get into hers. I inquire if she feels fit enough to drive... She says if I am leaving she'll just follow behind me... that way I can watch out for her.
I am not sure that makes any sense but decide I'm too tired to argue.
As I am driving my mind drifts back to Leah and the boyfriend. I haven't seen her since the day she accosted me at my door. I have wanted to call her several times but stopped just short. Now I know for sure I never will.
I pull up into my parking lot and sit for a while before getting out. I resolve to stay away from girls, period. I got too much on my plate anyhow... All they ever give me is trouble.
As I open the door and get out, I hear the tap tap tap-ing noise of heels on tarmac and look up....
"I hope you have alcohol in your house"
"Ivy, what are you doing here?" I'd completely forgotten about her.
"I told you I was following you. You don't expect me to go home this drunk do you? My mother will kill me." She answers, leaning on my car's hood for support before kicking off her shoes.
I guess she's intent on staying.
"You don't need anymore alcohol" I mutter to myself as I help her up. She leans drunkenly against me as we walk to my door.
So much for my morning resolutions.
John Milton: Well, on a scale of one to ten... ten being the most depraved act of sexual theatre known to man... one being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomaxes' household... I'd say, not to be immodest, Mary Ann and I got it on at about... [counts on his fingers]
John Milton: ... seven.
"What movie is this?" I ask the gentleman seated on the next seat. He answers with his eyes still glued to the 27" Panasonic in front of us. I settle back into my seat and continue to watch Al Pacino rant on as the devil... Satan's never been played so coolly...... I'm thinking.
"How's the party downstairs?" My neighbor asks.
I start at the sound of his voice. I must have drifted off. There is a commercial on T.V. The movie must have ended.
'Loud...' I want to say.
Instead, I look at my almost empty bottle of Heineken before replying. "....too many dudes, not enough booze"
"Or booty" I add as an afterthought.
"How was the movie?" I look up as I ask....
Dude is looking at me quizzically... Like he is aching to ask me something but is not sure if he should.
"It was great..." He replies somewhat absentmindedly.
"How do you know my girlfriend?" He asks after a short pause.
Now that there is a question I have never been asked before... It is heavily loaded with something... am not sure what.
"I know your girlfriend?" I ask with the most indifference I can muster in my voice.
I look at him closely as I answer. His face is vaguely familiar but for the life of me I cannot place it.He is studying my face too... I guess he's wondering if I am pulling his leg.
"Yes..." He replies... Probably satisfied that am on the level."We met at 'The Crossroads' a little while back. She introduced us."
'Leah!' My heart skips a beat.
I take a swig from my nearly empty and hope the shock did not register in my face. That's right.... no wonder his face looked so familiar.
I was drunk then....very. I wished I was as drunk now.
"Oh yeah!... That's right.... Leah. I'm sorry, I didn't quite recognize you. How is she? Is she here with you?" I'm hoping I don't sound as uneasy as I'm feeling.
"No she's working overnight."
Really? I think to myself glad that she's not. "Her mother and my aunt were great friends. That's how we met." I explain in answer to his first question.
"Didn't she tell you?"
" I never asked her." The dude seems a little embarrassed by my question as he replies.
"Its just strange that the two of you acted like you were real close yet she had never mentioned you before." He goes on to explain himself.
Trying very hard not to sound defensive... I explain that she and I were pretty much all we had for company when we first met. We had just recently arrived stateside and everyone we knew was a boring adult. Consequently, we had spent a lot of time together though we did not have much more in common other than our ages... That we did not get that close coz she had this boyfie who was still in Kenya... blah blah blah...
I am literally saved by the bell when the doorway to the basement opens and regurgitates a rowdy bunch, the cacophony that accompanying them drowning out my lame words.... Seizing my opportunity, I tell him I need to get another beer and bolt downstairs.
I spend the rest of the night watching out for the guy and avoiding any girl who looks halfway married. That means all.... even one Ivy who I'd been eying earlier.
I recently met Ivy at another party. I know she's not married... but I suspect she's taken. One young fella barely out of his teens had been hanging onto her skirts like a sick puppy at the last party. I have not seen him at this one.... but it matters not.
I spend the rest of the night at the DJ's booth.... nursing a guilty conscience.
Why did he look at me like that?
Had he read my blog?
Nobody calls it the Crossroad... He must have read my blog
The questions are endless... All have the same guilt ridden answer... "He knows."
Around 5 O'clock... I figure I've had enough and decide to leave. I need to find a decent girl and settle down... I'm thinking.
As I walk out to my car... Ivy is struggling to get into hers. I inquire if she feels fit enough to drive... She says if I am leaving she'll just follow behind me... that way I can watch out for her.
I am not sure that makes any sense but decide I'm too tired to argue.
As I am driving my mind drifts back to Leah and the boyfriend. I haven't seen her since the day she accosted me at my door. I have wanted to call her several times but stopped just short. Now I know for sure I never will.
I pull up into my parking lot and sit for a while before getting out. I resolve to stay away from girls, period. I got too much on my plate anyhow... All they ever give me is trouble.
As I open the door and get out, I hear the tap tap tap-ing noise of heels on tarmac and look up....
"I hope you have alcohol in your house"
"Ivy, what are you doing here?" I'd completely forgotten about her.
"I told you I was following you. You don't expect me to go home this drunk do you? My mother will kill me." She answers, leaning on my car's hood for support before kicking off her shoes.
I guess she's intent on staying.
"You don't need anymore alcohol" I mutter to myself as I help her up. She leans drunkenly against me as we walk to my door.
So much for my morning resolutions.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Of coming and going; literally speaking
The biggest form of miscommunication is the assumption that communication has taken place - quoted by Angelo Nardone - 08SL
It was written recently by this blogger as referenced by 3l33t here how the spoken English can be errm.... misspoken... or taken entirely out of intended context to mean... well... click on the damn links.
Given my fascination with the English language... the simple, people's, language that is, I find I now have to watch my language... keenly, just in case somebody else is watching it, for a slip up so to speak. But that is neither hither nor thither.
Oops! I probably just misused the darn language right there... but I don't care, I always wanted to use that phrase somewhere somehow and just didn't know how or where.
But that again is neither here nor there.
But that again is neither here nor there.
In other, unrelated, news... this semester finally came to a head.
Huh?
Should mean that I might be able to squeeze a lil' writing into my schedule.... Just a little b'coz on my struggling artist's budget... and with such an unrelentingly stingy readership (no one has put down a dime as down payment yet), all I can afford is a little.
So this past Saturday, figuring I should probably get going on 'Me I...' already, I started to write. I figured that blogging chronologically meant that I start it on the latest part of my life and walk y'all backwards. That way, whatever day you start reading it (the blog book version).... you will just read continuously down... from the oldest of the life-events to the newest.... right?
I sure hope that makes sense to you... coz its clear as daylight... on a cloudy day... to me. If you are having trouble following me.... just picture that scene in 'the gods must be crazy' where Xi the bushman, seated on the bonnet(hood), is steering the the runaway Land-Rover as it speeds backwards. So, conversationally speaking, the reverse is in that case reversed literally, and should he have somehow managed to shift gears and head the other way... that would technically have been reversing.
Still don't get it? Well don't worry about it.... that too is neither here nor there.
So I started to write... using the previous day as my point of reference... right?
I thought back to my comings and goings... tried very hard to remember what had come of my resolutions from that morning, but my memory failed me. All I remembered was a feeling of disappointment at the end of the day.
I remembered night time coming, and plans of going to the movies falling thru.... Those had eventually been replaced with others of sleeping over... but then sleep had refused to come, no matter how much I tried.
Tired of trying, I had turned to her for solace... or comfort... or help with the coming... but nothing doing. Finally we'd given up, overcome by fatigue from the exertion, and before I'd known it, sleep had come... and gone, and it was morning again.
And I was real cozy.... way too cozy. So cozy that everything came, and went, too fast too soon... prematurely even.
I figured there wasn't much about the comings and goings of that particular day that would interest you. So I went back a day further... to my meeting with the devil... well her spouse really, but by then I was too tired..... and not just from the coming; or the going.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
No apt title
Excuse me while I light my spliff; (spliff)
Good god, I gotta take a lift: (lift)
From reality I just cant drift; (drift)
Thats why I am staying with this riff. (riff)
So I picked up the forbidden fruit last night… It was, shall we say, ripe for the picking. Like a mango… you know.
I could tell it was ripe from the full, fruity aroma that emanated from the porous skin. So soft It was, to the touch, gently yielding to the slight press of my fingers… succulent.
It was for sale I assumed… for I was in the black market; though no one was there to demand payment for it. A lucky break, I figured, as I wielded it in my hands... as if I'd done it before; and walked, nonchalantly I hoped, down the nearly empty aisles, struggling not to glance around furtively, and all the time expecting a 'Halt!' command to accompany the tap on my shoulder, from the long arm of the law.
Finally, I made it to the gates… slipped it onto the passenger seat…. and drove home… with one eye on the road.
And my fingers, I literally had to pry them off of it… to shift the gear.
Curious thing happened when I got home… I did not rise to the occasion, and indulge my craving.
I stared and I wondered…
I dreamt... having fallen asleep, I dreamt that I'd had it. Savoured the sweetness of it.... smudged it all over my face... nibbling at the skin, then biting off huge chunks of it, the juices freely running, from the corners of my lips... down my fingers.... sticky fingers, eeky almost. I breathed it in... licked my lips, bit off another chunk... and like that it went on forever... an orgy of sorts....
A wet, sticky affair.... long into the night.... quenched thirsts, sated cravings.... eternal bliss... and the knowledge...
I woke up with a start... half expecting to glance down and find my skivvies gone.... and the creator upset.... impatiently calling me out... You know, like in the bible.
I glanced around... the fruit was still there, unbitten still.... but just as appealing in the brightness of the morning.. The rays of the sun, reflecting off the yellow tinge of its skin... invitingly.
I stared and I wondered.
Good god, I gotta take a lift: (lift)
From reality I just cant drift; (drift)
Thats why I am staying with this riff. (riff)
Easy Skanking _ Bob Marley
So I picked up the forbidden fruit last night… It was, shall we say, ripe for the picking. Like a mango… you know.
I could tell it was ripe from the full, fruity aroma that emanated from the porous skin. So soft It was, to the touch, gently yielding to the slight press of my fingers… succulent.
It was for sale I assumed… for I was in the black market; though no one was there to demand payment for it. A lucky break, I figured, as I wielded it in my hands... as if I'd done it before; and walked, nonchalantly I hoped, down the nearly empty aisles, struggling not to glance around furtively, and all the time expecting a 'Halt!' command to accompany the tap on my shoulder, from the long arm of the law.
Finally, I made it to the gates… slipped it onto the passenger seat…. and drove home… with one eye on the road.
And my fingers, I literally had to pry them off of it… to shift the gear.
****************
Curious thing happened when I got home… I did not rise to the occasion, and indulge my craving.
Choosing instead, to stare at it for the remainder of the night… in contemplation. A single bite, is all it would take, I was sure… but I dared not.
I stared and I wondered…
I dreamt... having fallen asleep, I dreamt that I'd had it. Savoured the sweetness of it.... smudged it all over my face... nibbling at the skin, then biting off huge chunks of it, the juices freely running, from the corners of my lips... down my fingers.... sticky fingers, eeky almost. I breathed it in... licked my lips, bit off another chunk... and like that it went on forever... an orgy of sorts....
A wet, sticky affair.... long into the night.... quenched thirsts, sated cravings.... eternal bliss... and the knowledge...
**********
I woke up with a start... half expecting to glance down and find my skivvies gone.... and the creator upset.... impatiently calling me out... You know, like in the bible.
I glanced around... the fruit was still there, unbitten still.... but just as appealing in the brightness of the morning.. The rays of the sun, reflecting off the yellow tinge of its skin... invitingly.
I stared and I wondered.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Insert some witty title
Another Sunday afternoon...
Dreary....
Cloudy weather reflects my feelings as the end of the weekend fast approaches...
I still got my fingers crossed.... I just might get discovered before Monday.
I can just see me calling work tomorrow... two hours after I am scheduled to be there and asking to speak to my boss... then proceeding to apologize for not calling earlier to say that I was not coming in...
Boss: Are you o.k?
Kei: Oh yeah. Couldn't be better.
Boss: So what's the problem?
Kei: Well....
Boss: Well.....?
Kei: Eh..... I cannot afford to work for you anymore.
Boss: Oh! How's that?
Kei: I got the contract
Boss: What contract?
Kei: The writing one...
Boss: Huh?
Kei: You do know I write, right?
Boss: Huh?
Kei: You don't? Hold on... I'll call you right back....
((Hangs up and goes to ascertain that he does have said contract and its not just a cruel dream..))
Dreary....
Cloudy weather reflects my feelings as the end of the weekend fast approaches...
I still got my fingers crossed.... I just might get discovered before Monday.
I can just see me calling work tomorrow... two hours after I am scheduled to be there and asking to speak to my boss... then proceeding to apologize for not calling earlier to say that I was not coming in...
Boss: Are you o.k?
Kei: Oh yeah. Couldn't be better.
Boss: So what's the problem?
Kei: Well....
Boss: Well.....?
Kei: Eh..... I cannot afford to work for you anymore.
Boss: Oh! How's that?
Kei: I got the contract
Boss: What contract?
Kei: The writing one...
Boss: Huh?
Kei: You do know I write, right?
Boss: Huh?
Kei: You don't? Hold on... I'll call you right back....
((Hangs up and goes to ascertain that he does have said contract and its not just a cruel dream..))
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