Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Just ruminating....

.... on life and it's uncanny ability to remind us in some not so subtle ways that we are not as in control as we would like to think we are. So here I am seated at my desk shuffling papers back n forth from one part of it to the other wondering why the heck life seems to be so sucky at this particular moment.

My girl, God bless her sweet soul, is miles away; my local clandes, for lack of a better word, have shunned me ever since word leaked out that I was now seeing someone regularly....
(aside)..the very same clandes that didn't mind hooking up even when they knew of my other liaisons so to speak....now how two faced is that? Anyway, so no action for weeks on end and what with my right hand incapacitated by carpal tunnel, things, to say the least, are not looking up.

But, as they say, every cloud has it’s silver lining; and, not seeing any other, I will take it that this chance to ruminate and the single light bulb moment - that came about eight or so days into the rumination,when I finally figured out that I really don’t like being in a relationship, as the silver lining my cloud. Actually, now that I think of it, it does seem apparent, looking at my relationship history or the lack thereof, that I have self sabotaged just about every chance I’ve had at a lasting relationship. And this goes for more than just my romantic relationships…. Jobs, business, friendships, etc etc.

On a brighter note, last week I finally decided to check out Dexter on Showtime on Demand. I ended up watching five episodes before I finally had to tear myself away after I realized I was seeing more and more of myself in the main character. Now, you are prolly wondering how identifying with a serial killer qualifies as a brighter note esp when that is actually supposed to be his (Dexter’s) dark side.


I know..... I don’t know either. I think it has to do with the fact that I finally realized that even while I am and have always felt alone in my world, and even though nobody really understands me, I am not really alone coz apparently there are many other lonesome souls out there living in their own little misunderstood worlds and every now and then someone goes out and writes their story and Showtime decides to make a series based on that book. I should one day be so lucky……

10 comments:

Crystal balls said...

Is it Monday? This sounds like you on a Monday. And don't go serial-ling anyone now, y'hear? Orange is SO not your colour...:)

Besides, geek is the new cool, so one day Misunderstood will be the new...er...understood...? :D

KK said...

LOL! Feels like Monday five days a week now.

Our Kid said...

That is a realization I hope I never get to. Because, no man, is an island. Though I know a few cousins from the lake who have named their boys Migingo.

KK said...

LOL! I hope u never do too kid. Perhaps I could get the naming rights to an island and that way one island will be a man.

Loco said...

The best thing about living in your own little world is that everybody there understands you! To some extent I envy you, even though it's freakishly serial killer like, you've got the balls to do your own thing, albeit blue balls for now :-D

KK said...

LOL! You are right Loco... now what do you know about my balls... Have you bn peeping into my world?

sleek said...

dexter?of all characters? there's allan, there''s denny; heck, there's even chuck norris...any1 but dexter

Loco said...

Hehehe, Me I've got a few suggestions but they've got no place in polite public conversations :-D

nikolas said...

man. i hope you aiight. joining kei's support group. hang in there, pengine mazuri yapo mle. usiwe kama wengine wetu uache chako kwa mswala upitao, or something to that effect.

KK said...

@ Sleek - Dude... Chuck Norris? LOL!

@ Loco - U n I need to have that private conversation.

@ Nikolas - Thanks for the advice...LOL! How can I resist a jumping on Aladdin's flying carpet.. ama what the hell is a mswala upitao?