.... on life and it's uncanny ability to remind us in some not so subtle ways that we are not as in control as we would like to think we are. So here I am seated at my desk shuffling papers back n forth from one part of it to the other wondering why the heck life seems to be so sucky at this particular moment.
My girl, God bless her sweet soul, is miles away; my local clandes, for lack of a better word, have shunned me ever since word leaked out that I was now seeing someone regularly.... (aside)..the very same clandes that didn't mind hooking up even when they knew of my other liaisons so to speak....now how two faced is that? Anyway, so no action for weeks on end and what with my right hand incapacitated by carpal tunnel, things, to say the least, are not looking up.
But, as they say, every cloud has it’s silver lining; and, not seeing any other, I will take it that this chance to ruminate and the single light bulb moment - that came about eight or so days into the rumination,when I finally figured out that I really don’t like being in a relationship, as the silver lining my cloud. Actually, now that I think of it, it does seem apparent, looking at my relationship history or the lack thereof, that I have self sabotaged just about every chance I’ve had at a lasting relationship. And this goes for more than just my romantic relationships…. Jobs, business, friendships, etc etc.
On a brighter note, last week I finally decided to check out Dexter on Showtime on Demand. I ended up watching five episodes before I finally had to tear myself away after I realized I was seeing more and more of myself in the main character. Now, you are prolly wondering how identifying with a serial killer qualifies as a brighter note esp when that is actually supposed to be his (Dexter’s) dark side.
I know..... I don’t know either. I think it has to do with the fact that I finally realized that even while I am and have always felt alone in my world, and even though nobody really understands me, I am not really alone coz apparently there are many other lonesome souls out there living in their own little misunderstood worlds and every now and then someone goes out and writes their story and Showtime decides to make a series based on that book. I should one day be so lucky……