Celibacy is overrated.....

I'm jus saying.

Y'all remember Leah... of the crossroads fame? Yes? No?

Well... anyway... a chance meeting after what could only amount to a very long time led to a night of painting the town red.... and getting wasted in the name of catching up. Turns out she ditched the boyfriend of many years and is now enjoying being a single lady.... and, apparently, the best thing about her new status is the celibacy part.....

Mhmmmh! Is all I am gonna say to that.

Thankfully, though, her couch must have been made in heaven... Or perhaps I was so drunk I could have slept on the floor and enjoyed it. LOL!

Anyway... Part Deux... of the Racheal story is up.

Santadearest@?.? :All I want for Christmas

PS… Due to technical ignorance…. My assuming that the Nokia peeps didn’t know what the hell they were talking about when they reiterated to back up my memory and contacts and such before updating the firmware of my E71 can only be characterized as such…. I no longer have Santa’s contact information. If you happen to (have it), please, kindly forward this email to him. It contains my Christmas list which I have gone to great pains to compile. It would be a shame if he should fail to get it in time…..

So dear Santa,

I hope you don’t find it presumptive of me calling you 'dear' when you and I have yet to meet. Heck, I didn’t even know you existed until I came to this here land of milk n honiez… and even then, I only heard of you through tales told to me on the radio and twice or so, I saw your ugly face on T.V. To be honest, I’d have gone on to discard your myth amongst the pile of useless info I retain at the back of my mind but you wouldn’t have none of that. You surprised me last Christmas by leaving me a rather desirable gift…. albeit at the wrong address.

Yes… that was very kind of you and very clever too now that I think of it. For a moment… six months or so… I was so pre-occupied with it (the gift), I didn’t realize how self serving that act was for you. I mean, now I’ll never forget you… will I? Only one problem though…. while that was a rather thoughtful gift for sure… I wish, in retrospect, you hadn’t tried so hard. In fact, I decided to save you the trouble and make you a list… see below… And what’s more, you don’t even have to choose, just get me everything on the darn list. I even included hyperlinks to picture

Oh! And next time, please, check my address beforehand. Due to my fugitive status, I am not able to stay in one place indefinitely…. But I always leave clues… forwarding addresses… footprints… tell-tale smoke signals…etcetera

Here goes.... in no particular order

1. Numark NS7

2. Coffin … for the NS7 not for me…lol

3. Computer Desk

4. Powered Speakers

5. Laptop Docking Station

6. 24” LCD Monitor

7. Leather swivel chair

8. 06 Audi S4

And in case you are wondering if I am leaving all my dreams to you to fulfill…. No, just the easy stuff. Getting the listed items should be easy… keeping and maintaining them is the hard part… and using them is even harder. It takes talent, time and patience… apart from the S4…. That one just needs gas and an open highway… oh.. and a sharp eye for the cops. Yeah… Lil Weezy was lying with that Mrs. Officer shit… I’ve found that you are better off paying a stripper to dress as a cop than trying to sing that to a real one.

Come to think of it, perhaps, I should add that to my list. Hmmmh! Can you get your hands on a sexy cop uniform? Or better yet, how about you just get the stripper… I'll work on getting the uniform.

Anyway... that there is my list.... and I do pray that you get it on time.

There's a thin line between love and hate.....

And the person who drew it did not use permanent ink.... Kei :)

"We'll have to work on getting you in touch with your emotions.." was a line that my ex used on me a lot. She did eventually succeed although probably not in the way she had envisioned as I finally got in touch with the... "I can't stand this nagging B!#*h" emotion and the "I swear if she says that one more time I'ma...." one.

Mostly due to, I think, my personality, I don't express myself much.... other than on this blog that is. I do do that... right?

Anyway, I have recently come to learn, thanks to the indirect efforts of Mo and Crys, that I can blame a lot of my quirks on my INFP personality. Like the fact that most people think I am easy going and able to get along with just about anybody... which is quite true for the most part. Ok... maybe not those of you who read my blog... I'm aware that mostly it's my arrogant self that sells itself here. I am talking about those people with whom I interact one on one on a day to day basis. What those people don't realize, is that I am so in control of my outward emotions that I will instinctively portray the emotions I want them to see.

So I come off as this polite, patient... nice, young man with a great personality and a kind word for everybody. If you ask most people about me, they'll tell you what a nice person I am. Incidentally, I really loathe that word..... nice. Don't ever call me nice or else I'll loose whatever respect I have for you. In the real sense, though, I am all of that... polite, patient, inconceivably tolerant and, perhaps, even humble, due mostly to my mother's no nonsense upbringing, but I am a lot of other things too. Most of which I can not dare to print in case a future employer chances upon my blog... but suffice it to say that if you really knew me, you'd know that I am not a 'nice' person.

Yeah... you are probably thinking that that is being rather double-faced.... Well..... blame it on the ah ah ah ahhh al alco... nah, blame it on the person who came up with those stupid personality profiles. LOL!

So anyway, what was it I was going to blog about.... Yeah, love and hate... right. Well, a friend of mine is pregnant and soon looking to get married. I was thinking about her the other day and it occurred to me that, though I really liked her a lot, I literally cannot stand her . Is that even possible?

We met last year... towards the end of winter, and we hang a total of five times between then and the end of summer. There was undeniably some... actually, a lot of chemistry between us, but I ended up sabotaging, by design, our budding relationship. There is something about her attention seeking personality that really rubs me off the wrong way, and yet, she has this childlike disposition that is so adorable...

Anyway, I'd go on and on... and give you the dirt on how that relationship went burst, but that would be too boring. I did however try to characterize her as best as I could in my nanowrimo entry last year. Well, I never quite completed it.... Yes, Suga, Crys, I know...... I am working on finishing it... I promise.

Here are the pertinent excerpts.... Enjoy.

Get to know me...... Shameless self tagging

Copy all questions, write responses, and tag yourselves, blogger pals.

I did.... From Maua's :)

1. What time did you get up this morning?
-0615

2. How do you like your steak?
-With a side of baked potatoes and gravy.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
- Cinema? Sounds very British. If you mean the Movies, I really don’t remember. Probably some horror flick with my last girlfriend. Does that sound too American?

4. What is your favorite TV show?
- Dexter… Quit looking at me like that.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
- My own island in the Caribbean.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
- A chapo and peach jelly. English breakfast tea and a couple of digestives.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
- Hmmmh! I try not to do favoritism. I don’t care much for Ghanaian and Chinese.

8. What foods do you dislike?
- Ooops… I think I went ahead of myself above.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
- At my desk… Then I have n excuse not to work. After all, I wouldn’t want to ruin my keyboard by spilling food or liquids on it.

10. Favorite dressing?
- On me… Casual; on her… that little pink slip.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
- An 05 Malibu… I was desperate at time of purchase. I'm nolonger desperate... just stuck.

12. What are your favorite clothes?
- What’s with this favorite question anyway?

I don’t have Sunday best anymore.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
- Depends on whether I’m emptying or filling it. Donnit?

15. Where would you want to retire?
- On that Island

16. Favorite time of day?
- 5:00 P.M. Hands down. That’s when the boss opens the door slightly and looks the other way so I can slither out of my workplace.

17. Where were you born?
-Nakuru

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
- Football… American Football. I know... u may not think it is, but that's what they call it here.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
- Trying to answer this is, I think, an effort in futility.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
- I don’t want anyone accusing me of expecting too much from them.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
- Heather… She’s crazie like me. Or is it…. Crazy she likes me?

22. Bird watcher?
-Is this a trick question? Are we talking real birds or chics?

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
-.I am not a morning person. I sleep walk through my mornings and get up around noon.

24. Do you have any pets?
-Nope

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
- What I have is exciting but old so it doesn’t qualify as news.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
-I wanted to be a grown up… then I grew up and found out how overrated that really was and now all I want is to be a little bit more richer… and leaner… maybe a little taller.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
- I truly don’t remember being a child… all I have is a weird longing for those years I think I lost between my getting born and becoming a lost adult in the real world. Could that have been my childhood?

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
-Mhmmm! Not sure. I think I was born in the year of the monkey. Or was it the pig.

29. Are you married?
-Thank God no… but I am taking in applications if you happen to be eligible

J

30. Always wear your seat belt?
-When I remember to… Even if I am but a minute away from my destination.

31. Been in a car accident?
-Several and lived to tell the stories. Fake ones mostly because there was no way I was going to admit liability. You have no idea how much money (insurance Surcharges and such) I've save myself over the last ten or so years. I don't have an idea either.

32. Any pet peeves?
-Yes… Too many questions. Whoever sat down and thought up a 50 question tag ought to be hung.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
-Sweet and sour chicken and pineapple.

34. Favorite Flower?
-I’m all about deflowering.

35. Favorite ice cream?
-Any Combi I can come up with at Cold Stone Creamery.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
-Miranda Bread…. Well it’s actually a Brazillian place and their service is nothing close to fast.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
-Once… Then I went out and became an expert parallel parker. Of course, they didn't bother to test me on that the second time.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
-Paypal thanking me for using my paypal debit card to pay for my $4:00 lunch at my favorite not so fast food place.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
-At this point of my UN-Creditworthy life, any store that would be stupid enough to give me a credit card.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
-Does doing this tag thing qualify?

41. Like your job?
- Do you like to knock your head against the wall?

42. Broccoli?
-Pleasant memories of when I unknowingly fed my Albanian friend a stew containing broccoli having forgotten that she was allergic…. hahaha.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
- My last one… and the next one will be even better. I actually have a poor long-term memory so I cannot really be honest with these questions. Sorry, I should’ve mentioned that before but I forgot.

44. Last person(s) you went out to dinner with?
-Kagweria…. After I picked her up from the airport last night.

45. What are you listening to right now?
-A Bongo-Genge mix I made on a sleepless night a couple of weeks ago.

46. What is your favorite color?
-Black… I think.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
- Two fake ones and don’t ask me where.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
- All of them. It’s hard for me to count.

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
-I’m still working on it. I answered the easy ones first like I do all quizzes. This just happened to be one of them.

50. Coffee Drinker?
-Yes… If you are buying.

Fifty questions? For crying out loud. Hope you lasted this long. I almost didn't.

I am a marathoner.... that's right

Say it with me now.

I am a marathoner. I run four times a week and I never miss a run. I enjoy running.  I never get tired. Up the hill then down the hill; easy strides the whole way through. My feet are light like feathers, watch how they glide. Hear them tap the tar, before they take off and fly again. They are fit as a fiddle. My whole body is. I am in the best shape of my life.My middle name is NRG and I am full of it.

This book is something else... If I repeat the above paragraph enough times, not only will my mind start believing it, my body, supposedly, will transform and become what my mind believes it is.... ha! This is me not being skeptical... lol!

How many exactly is enough times?

Public Service Post.... Modest Self-Serving is more like it

Ahem... I am not usually one to drop names.... but, for Juliet @ Storymoja, I will. She wrote the letter below but I am po[a]sting it on my blog... so there. If the names Verdadero, Zaidi, Partington.... etcetera... mean anything to you, then you know I knows people who know people. If they don't, well... you need to do your homework. Show up at the Hay Festival and meet them... who knows, they might spare you and your manuscript a moment or two. Thanks Juliet... by including me in your mailing list, you've helped perpetuate that illusion that I've had in my head... me an artist.

 

Dear all,

You no doubt understand the frustrations and challenges of getting your work published on print. Storymoja has arranged a session at the SHFK which will help writers which will not only help writers perfect their writing but also help them understand the intricacies of the publishing word. Please help us get the word out to more writers by posting on your blog and/or forwrding this message to your writer friends.

Saturday 1st August 2009 at 10am – 11:30am MANUSCRIPT DOCTOR SESSION w/ Doreen/Agatha Verdadero/Ali Zaidi/Stephen Partington/ Bibi Bakare, Suhaila Cross/John Mwazemba at the British Council Pavilion at the Storymoja Hay Festival.

Writers! Poets! Playrights! Scribes of all sorts! You all practice the written word, but how do you perfect it? By showing your writing to experts and getting feedback. This is your chance. A team of expert editors of all genres of writing will be on hand to peruse your manuscripts and give you instant editing advice and writing tips. You will find out what works and what doesn’t and how to refine your creative ideas. The team includes publishers and editors of major Kenyan journals, magazines, newspapers, and books. Come with 5 to 10 TYPED pages of your manuscript. Do not miss this chance to improve your art.
Tickets are available from Storymoja as well as all leading book stores ( Booksfirst, Silverbird (formerly NuMetro), Savanis, Book Stop Yaya, Sarit Info Desk). Contact info@storymojaafrica.co.ke for more details about tickets. For information about the dates, venue and guests of the entire Storymoja Hay Festival 2009 see here…

Thank you very much for your assistance.
--
Juliet Maruru
Creative writer, Author of www.jmaruru.wordpress.com
Website Content Manager, www.storymojaafrica.co.ke, www.storymojaafrica.wordpress.com

This race is certainly not for the swift; Runnin out of running titles

=

Back due to public demand... yes farmgal ... u do qualify as the public, unless of course you'd rather make a private demand:) We are dedicating this post in part to the dearly departed, specifically my cousin's cousin Kariuki, who accidentally passed away recently.... And JOINTly to my dread sistaz in KL... puff puff n pass it on:)

So.... I went to Jersey254 two weekends ago and all I brought back was two bottles of Captain Morgan...

Ok... Last I checked both bottles were unopened.

Anyway, that and the fuddled up memories of good times, good peoples and some damn good nyama choma. No kidding, if you ever find yourself in Paterson NJ, please, do yourself a favor and visit Mt. Kenya Bar & Grill... Well worth the three trips we made there and bounced.. I mean, what the heck! .....and that being a weekend when Kenyans were supposed to be flocking into New Jersey.

Anyway, back to the memories and the good peoples... One people in particular stands out in my memories... probably because I just saw a picture I took of him, very inebriated, telling us about growing up in Kariobangi. Don't quite remember much of the details... actually none if I am to be honest. But I do remember chastising him for wasting my alcohol when each time I poured a generous portion of my Cpt. he would pour half of it (it seemed to me anyway), libation to his ancestors. A total waste of my money, I thought then, considering that chances were his ancestors had never heard of let alone tasted Captain Morgan Rum when they were alive.... I doubted very much they'd have much appreciation of it in their repose.

But not so Mr. Kariuki, in whose memory I was getting ready to drink to the other day when I was accosted by a certain Pastor Joanne. The good pastor was on that particular day leading the prayer service as we got together to mourn our departed brother, uncle, cousin, friend and fellow Kenyan. Kariuki would most certainly understand my not bothering to pour libation to his good memories considering it was on that very cement floor in my dear uncle's kitchen where, forgetting that he was not in his mother's hut in Karatina, he had insisted that we ought to dedicate a portion of our drink to our ancestors and gone on to spill a good portion of his Heineken on the ground..... Let's just say that the only thing that saved his life as the lady of the house came after him with hell's fury, was his slipping on the very drink he'd spilled and nearly killing himself.... perhaps, the ancestors were really looking out for him after all.

Unfortunately, not even the most watchful ancestors could save him from the treacherous roads in Kenya.... A point that I got the feeling Pastor Joanne was kinda driving at but never quite got to in her lengthy sermon. Probably because she got sidetracked and went off on a tangent or two talking about drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. I was never quite good in geometry back in school so don't ask me what she said.... I could never follow a tangent let alone two. But I do remember her accusing me of hiding behind the alcohol and suggesting that all I got out of drinking was a fake high. Fake my ass, I wanted to snort out loud... fake or not, I'd prefer it to a low... wouldn't you?

Her premise, I gathered before I got distracted by a cute thing that had just walked into a wake in a mini-skirt.... designed, I'd say, to awaken even the dead... was I ought to give up the alcohol and turn to Jesus.

Now... pray do tell, why should I have to give up one love for the other? I mean, to bastardize our worldly President's favorite phrase, those two are not mutually exclusive now... are they? I raised my hand in objection... prepared to explain to her how my love affair with the Capt has led to my appreciating even more the Love that the Lord has got for me.... It is not rare for me, in a drunken moment, to recall quite distinctly the words to a X-tian hymn that I have not sung in nearly twenty years and bless my fellow drinkers with an off-key version of it.... And more often than not, a kindly fellow while sober, I become overly charitable when inebriated.... ask all those girls to whom I have given my number without them even having to ask...

So there I was enumerating all these pros of drinking alongside the 'For God so loved the World...' ones, and meanwhile the kindly Pastor had moved on from the sermon to the summons and she was now calling out to all those who would like to take a step of faith and accept....

Yeah, at that very moment she was calling out to the sinners amongst us, I had decided that I did indeed have a case to plead and raised my hand.

It took me but a few moments to realize my blunder... well, for luck of a better word anyway.... After all, this wasn't the first time that I had gotten saved, albeit by mistake.... He doth work in mysterious ways after all...and was about to ummm... withdraw my faltering step of faith when I saw the pleased look on the woman's face. Did I mention how charitable I get when inebriated....

Well, I just couldn't bring myself to wipe that look of happiness out of that face... After all, she was rather fetching and who knows, she might have gone on to suggest a private prayer session where we could reminisce on the good old Soul Night days at Carnivore... Yes, she was speaking from a position of ummmm.... knowledge when she spoke about the vices that are alcohol and cigarettes.... I should, perhaps, refer her to Loco's...

So anyway, last Friday, they laid Kariuki to rest.... and this time I spilled a little church wine on the ground... I couldn't afford to waste too much... the good stuff is rather expensive.... and given how much of it it takes to get me drunk.... In fact, the price alone is about to send me running back to the good ol' Capt'n.

Oh! Crap! Forgot I was blogging about my running... Well, after having acquired, via Pastor Joanne's impassioned prayers, faith as big as a mustard seed... I took on the mountains... and my legs are still telling the story... So FG... about that massage....