I kissed a girl.... and meanwhile

Kei is cooking... according to his latest status on fb. Facebook, he is pleased to note, (not quite sure why he would be pleased but drinking usually makes him easy to please, and he's been drinking some this evening) has become so popular it is turning out to be quite a phenomena. Kind of like uhmmm... can't quite think of anything even close..... But it's not like he's paying me to write this crap anyway, let alone think.

So he was cooking and he invited, on the same status message, anyone who happened to be hungry to go over for some half-cooked ugali and some kachumbari and five pieces of nyama choma. Somehow, and this is not normal for him, he forgot to mention that the 'anyone' on that invite was meant for his female friends only.

An omission he will likely live to regret seeing how the only one who answered the said invite was a local bum. Did I mention how prevalent this fenomena book has become? How does one who can't afford a roof over his head manage to get an internet connection let alone have a Facebook account?

"It's called the public library, dumbass," was the bum's quick retort, in between mouthfuls of the half-cooked ugali and kachumbari and....... "and it's prudence not an inability to afford that effing roof." He had gone on to explain as he munched on the third piece of nyama and in effect making Kei feel rather stupid... you know that kind of stupid like those peeps in 'left behind' must have felt when they woke up to find that they had been, you know, left behind.....

It didn't help that this was the second or third time in the same evening that he had felt that stupid... if not worse. The first time being as he was... believe it or not... wrapping a gift for tomorrow's gift swap at the office. Yes he did quite feel rather stupid as he tried to wipe the blood off of the bloody gift. The blood in this case being from the numerous paper cuts sustained in the wrapping effort. The pain made worse when he'd realized that the said gift in the end still seemed to be wrapping the wrap paper instead of vise versa.

Then he started to cook, (perhaps I should say half-cook judging from the result) and stupid took on a whole hot new meaning as he burnt his knuckles and barely missed, by a fraction of an inch I should add, including a piece of his index finger in the kachumbari as he diced the tomatoes. Which, now that he thinks about it, would have served this arrogant bum well, if he had gone on to take a bite of his food and found a finger tip ogling at him. He'd more than likely have tried to sue as soon he'd gotten over the trauma so it's just as well. The last thing Kei needs is anaa freaking creditor. They are already carpooling to his premises as it is.

Then, (you thought that was it, didn't you....) he turns on his T.V. and instead of tuning to TNT or The History Channel like he normally does, he makes the mistake of tuning to MTV... First, he doesn't understand why the commentator's first remark is "oh! finally dude, welcome to the new world!" Then shock on him as the 'dude' goes on to introduce the playlist and Shakira's 'hips don't lie' is not number one... whaaat!

Well not only is it not number one, it is not even on the damn playlist. And to think that the only reason he sat through the whole playlist program was to see at what number she had been relegated to.

Well, in that half hour or so, Kei learnt that Britney had gone from asking to be hit one more time to gimme gimme more (no wonder she went to rehab, dame's always asking for it); that Miles Cyrus was actually the name of a girl and not some milestone on highway 66 like he had initially thought; that Lil Wayne was "ill"... though he wasn't quite sure what the illness was, unless it had to do with his repetition of the phrase of "I'm ill" at the end of his song; and that some girl - Katy Perry or something, had actually been nominated for a grammy for singing about kissing a girl.

Now, that really got to him and I can see why seeing how he actually got to first kiss a girl sometime last year and he'd gotten so blown away by the experience he was gonna sing about it from the top of the mountains, well he'd actually settled for the rooftop.... But I, being his closest friend and confidant and the sane prevailing voice in his lil head, managed to discourage him, telling him how stupid such a move would be. Of course, I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me when after the song ended he had turned to me with painful accusation shining from those big mournful eyes of his. (On second thoughts, I've met his neighbors from downstairs and I'm glad the floor didn't open up.)

Now, as I sit back and watch him watch as the bum brings his fingertips to his lips and sucks each one clean, I can only imagine what is going through his mind right now. He is wondering if kissing those greasy bum lips would be worth the grammy that singing about it would obviously win him; and I am not about to stop him this time. Even I aren't that stupid. So watch this space ladies and gentlemen, or better yet, tune in to MTV next year a time like now for the nomination of "I kissed a bum" by none other than your one and only... please insert here whatever this fool who thinks he owns me and this here blog is to you....

Merry Christmas fools... now, please stand under the damn mistletoe, there is money to be made and more to be had.

Non-essential? Me? No way....

Apparently yes way. Ten O'clock, which on regular Friday mornings would find me finally settling down to actually working, after wasting an hour n a half having breakfast and searching the internet in earnest for the motivation to work, found me this morning settling down on my couch, wondering for a bit what the hell to do with myself.

Being one of what was termed, non-essential staff, I was sent home a few minutes after getting to work this morning due to there being no power(electricity) in our work building. The winter storm, that apparently happened last night, took out half the trees in the neighborhood, which in turn, having sworn never again to go down alone, took out several essential electric poles and wires with them, rendering a whole business district and the residences around it powerless. But its not like they hadn't been warned.... I mean, haven't we been telling them that mother nature cannot ignore the birdies they've been flicking at her all this time forever? Wasn't it Crystal who told them to find a bunker or a bible.... Me I said get both.

Anyway, for all her issues, and she's got quite a few, mother nature does have quite a talent when it comes to painting landscapes and shit. I mean, she can actually turn a dreary looking background into a most breathtaking view, in the time it takes to say... (insert choice expletive)... or as was in my case, the time it takes to sleep off a double shot of rum in a little bit of coke.

O.k... I was gunning for a thousand words but the computer repair guy just called and I won't have enough time...... So I'll let these pictures do the rest for me:)

My view when I got up.

With the window down....duh!

What's up with this. I now can't see my beautiful neighbor getting dressed this morning... damn Ice!

Highway.. on my way to work.

.

Only way to explain this is that they managed to effectively camouflage themselves. How else did they evade mother nature's icy paint brush?

Brianna n I were visibly shaken at the sight of these waters. They have previously cost us al lot, in terms of time, funds, engines and what not.

this lane is usually lined with cars at around two o'clock when the shifts change. I guess it won't be the case today.

I decided to take a different route home... hopefully get gas somewhere.

I guess I was not the only one fascinated by the phenomena.

No power no gas...Whaaat! And Bri pining for gas... whaat!

Crazy folk all over the place. This dude drove by so fast in his four wheeler.....

School is open? U ain't catching me dead in there. Oh! Wait, I don't go to school... so uhmmm... neva mind.

Do I see a green light at the end of the tunnel?

Something... Must be one of the aliens that were slaving all night.

Bri and I so sympathize..... We've been here before. We know firsthand how it feels:(

Clearly, America does run on Dunkins. Must be the only Dunkin Donuts that is running...

Twenty minutes and twenty dollars later...... My curiosity and her fuel tank both satisfied....

Home is just past that last tree that seems to be hanging over the road:)

Australia: The Movie

Having arrived at the movies ten minutes late... typical you might say, we found the movie already started. I don't think we missed much other than the previews which to me are usually the best parts but what can I say. Anyway, the first full minute of the movie... a scene that started with a young aboriginal boy swimming in a river, with a black stallion.... which then cut to the kid on the same horse, racing across a great desert and screeching to a halt in front of a wooden stockade, had my wanderlust pining for Australia - the country... but that is not what this post is about.

I just read this here article and I couldn't agree more with the heading. This particular movie venture was a rather impromptu affair hurriedly forced upon me by some storm that suddenly blew up in my part of the world this past week; Let us call it Lucy for now... trust me, Katrina didn't have nothing on her. Anyway, I picked this movie, not because I new anything about it or had even seen the trailer.... and thank God coz I most likely would not have gone based on the trailer, but because it was the only one showing at a convenient time.

I am most definitely not a movie buff.... and while I've seen lots of movies with Kidman and Jackman in them, only the X-Men series comes to mind.... Actually in Australia, I kept expecting Wolverine's claws to emerge every time Jackman got into a fight. Australia I don't think will be slipping from my memory anytime soon, and it has nothing to do with those two. Nullah (Brandon Walters) in his movie debut managed, in my eyes, to steal the movie...... How? Oh! Crap... I'll have to watch the damn movie again to be able to tell you how.

Slow but sure wins the race; Not......

Not this one anyway... besides I was slow and for the most part unsure. Unsure on what story exactly I wanted to tell, unsure of how to tell it and unsure of who it was I was telling it to.

"Mhhmmm! Sounds like a lame excuse to me own eyes... But what to do? Tis the only one I got, so 'twill have to do fi now."

I did not do nearly half as well as I had hoped to do, and by the time I figured out how I wanted the story to go, I realised that half of what I had already written was pretty much irrelevant. Quite discouraging that was, and to be honest with you, I was pretty much ready to throw in the towel by the middle of week two. I didn't, though, because I had me a couple of relentless cheerleaders who wouldn't let me let up.

And so, plod on I did, picking up speed as I went. Where I had barely managed 10,000 words in two weeks, I was up to 27,000 words by thanksgiving, and with a long weekend coming up, I was fairly certain that I would make it to the finish line..... It would be close, but it was more than possible.

Imagine my shock then when, after psyching myself all day that fateful Wednesday, and toasting all night to a challenging last leg of an amazing race, I woke up to find that I had mysteriously contracted that most dreaded of afflictions that has plagued writers of world renown for ages, and try hard as I could, I could not shake the stupid block.

None of the numerous home remedies I found on the internet seemed effective... apparently the virus or whatever it is that carries this affliction, has mutated some since the days of Hemingway... Not even the the strongest rum concoction could rout it... and I balked at the suggestion of a surgical procedure... even a least invasive one, preferring instead to try and stuff my body with turkey and stuffing and cans of cranberry sauce, naively believing in my own genius..... I mean, does it not make sense that a running stomach will cleans out the whole body system.

Well, as it turns out, it does take everything out of you, including energy, sense of urgency and other important crap like that. So today, more than a week since that turkey went down, and seven days past the nonowrimo deadline, I returned to my writing desk and was able to hammer out a couple thousand words in as many hours.

Yes! A light flickers at the end of the tunnel. I wish I was in that particular tunnel.

Gobble Gobble Gobllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll..............

Character, I once heard someone say, is sticking at something long after the mood in which one began it is gone...... Speaking of which, stuck is what I am feeling at the moment. Stuck in what, you may ask. Well, in an endless loop; a vicious cycle of sorts... I am finding that my imagination is not, as I had naively imagined, limitless; and I'm constantly fishing into my memory bank which, as someone has attested to on numerous occasions, is not very reliable.... and on coming up empty handed time and time again, I'm having to turn to my limited imagination... see what I'm saying? Don't worry if you don't, but feel free to nudge, push, shove... anything to get me unstuck.

Happy Thanksgiving to all y'all Turkey Lovers and to the rest, have mercy on the swans, they may speak the same language but they are not really related.

fiftee thau; 50,000

I did it people... well, sort of; kinda. It is the middle of the night or early morning... 3:43A.M. exactly as I type this here post and I have just passed an incidental milestone. Every time my story comes to a halt, both on paper and in my head, my first reflex is to hit the tool button and find out my current word-count. This last time I noticed that I just reached 50,000 and something characters with spaces..

LOL! Whatever I can do to encourage myself in this wee hour.. right. Well, sleep on my friends, or for you on the earlier to rise latitudes, good morning y'all.

Truth be told: The story thus far....

So... one week and 3 pep-talks later, I have managed a measly 3000 and someth'n words of a story whose plot and direction has completely eluded me. I am feeling like I probably would be half an hour into running a marathon - after a five year hiatus from the exercise world....... worn, winded and out of my depth. Of course that is no excuse to throw in the towel... but I am keeping mine handy (the towel that is), just in case.

According to the last of the pep-talks, I should tentatively have written at least 15,000 words... which tentatively speaking is tentatively placing me ummmmm right at the starting line... LOL! One might say that I am feeling tentative.

I am apparently at this stage -

".... Week One of NaNoWriMo tends to be all about characters. Our imaginations have been leaving a lot of them on our doorsteps lately, and it’s pretty much all we can do to bring them in, give them names, and teach them the rudiments of steering their battle-yaks. Then our doorbell rings, and we're rushing off to welcome another group of newcomers to the party.

Because of this, the first week of November is largely a matter of crowd control....."

I am stuck in week one.... but I will plod on... or is it plot on. Apparently week two is 'That stage called plot'. Personally I think these pep-talkers are full of it; but I really do need a plot.

For those of you who requested a link... check your emails later on today... but don't start bugging till tomorrow... bear in mind that we are in different time zones... Even Obama has to wait till next year to move into the little white house on the prairie.

997 words and counting.....

It is with a thick lump in my throat that I sit to write this post. My screen is blurry... with tears of thousands, transmitted over the airwaves; it is hard to see, with the flurry of activity.... the fanfare that has taken over my T.V., how many of the electoral votes were cast for me. But that is of no consequence.... apparently, from listening to Senator McCain's albeit touching speech, I have not won this historic election.

Perhaps, it is all for good... given that I can not write nearly as pretty an acceptance speech as the one Obama is giving... that none of those who promised to vote for me were really eligible to vote. It is with a heavy heart that I put away my slogans, and banners and what have you.. and once again take up my pen and paper.... and continue on my month long journey. 998 here I come.......

It's on...... Bring out the Patron

Well.. not quite yet. Some breakfast will have to do for now. Kick off was 7 hours ago and like some of you (Neema) predicted, I got off to a beautiful start. I have written down about five words so far... which is not good going by any stretch of the imagination. But write I have started... and taking a lesson from the infamous character of our folklore - Kaka Sungura, I know that kutangulia sio kufika... directly translatable to 'starting at the front is not finishing'.

Plan.... What plan?

"To achieve great things, two things are
needed: a plan, and not quite enough time."
--Leonard Bernstein

Seeing how I only have one.... the latter, and not the plan, I am so tempted to settle for a not so great thing. But thank goodness for loop-holes. The said plan does not have to be a great plan... or even a good one at that.... right?

It only needs to be one... a plan. So here is me making a plan on the fly.... lol.

So I... and the hundred thou or so other wrimos out there start writing after midnight tomorrow.... that's really Monday for me as my good friend Fifee so *helpfully* pointed out... Apparently my weekends are predictably unpredictable... which is to say that she has no faith in my ability to work on weekends.

I'd like to contest this blatant attack on my character but as it is... Ali Kiba is coming to town... And while I have nothing to do with him getting here, my boys, who have everything to do with it, have me working on selling him out. How am I supposed to move twenty tickets between now and Saturday night... Please holla if you want some.

Ok.. back to the plan... I will be writing the novel on google docs. This is not only because I do not have Microsoft Office on my laptop.... because I have the Open Office equivalent which I hate using... but also due to the fact that that way I do not have to lag the laptop everywhere I go. All I'll be needing is access to the internet.

Yes.. I can just imagine getting bored at an after-party and approaching the dude hosting it....

Kei: Dude... can I use ur interwebs?
Dude: My what?
Kei: Your comp bro... I gotta get on the internet.
Dude: Dude you want porn? I gots some DVDs....
Kei: No is alright... I wanna work on my novel...
Dude: Ati wank on your navel? Dude, what have u been drinking...
Kei: No dude... its this writing competition bro... I have to work on my word count.
Dude: Ok dude... in the bedroom on the right.... (all the time wondering where one gets off counting words instead of booze or even better... boobs)


Not only that but google does have this cool feature that allows one to share docs over the internet with whomever one wants... thus allowing for online collaboration and stuff. While I can not let you help me write... as I think that would be tantamount to cheating... not that that has ever been a problem for me, I can, if you care to watch (literally) my work in progress, give you access to the said work. Just send me an email and I'll be glad to do so.

Just note, though... that I am not looking for critique... If you are so terribly good in writing, please go ahead and sign up for the nanowrimo yourself.... the 50k word count is enough stress for me... I could do without the criticism. Cheering on on the other hand is very welcome as well as any ideas you may wish to share which though in all likelihood will not be used, will be every bit appreciated.

So the plan in a nutshell.... send me your emails and lets all watch as this whole thing goes to hell in a hand-basket:)

Nano what? What nonsense....

So I have two days.... well, one and a half to be precise seeing as how today is almost done... before the start of that writing challenge that I signed up for.... for all the wrong reasons I may add. Actually, I take that back. I signed up because I recognized the contest from last year... and since I had signed up last year, I figured the reasons I had then were still as good this year. I am yet to recall what those reasons were... mostly for a lack of trying. I've been too busy trying to come up with a workable plot and trying not to think of the huge obstacles that are looming in the near future. I have not had much success in either. The plots have been many... almost always being generated by my plot generator during my regular plotting time... my morning shower. Due to too many of the previous nights having been late nights... and the consequential waking up late on the next mornings, my plotting times have been severely limited leading to stunted plot development and hence I have a lot of ugly half-plots lying around in my head.... If only I could gather them and form one albeit disjointed plot. Unfortunately, too many of them can hardly be recognized as plots. Couple that with the fact that the filing system in my brain needs a major overhaul.... and basically I am left with the sad realization that all I have for the contest is one long title and a bunch of naysayers that have taken residence in my head. Still, I have two.... no, one and a half days, to come up with a good story... forget good, a story, any story at this point will do.

Don't get me started on the obstacles.... I could be writing about those well into November, leaving me no time to focus on the contest.

Forget Obama...

I don't know about all y'all but come November 4th... Guess who I'll be voting for....

Change. And you can say that again.

I say its high time we got rid of this partisan politicking and went for a safe middle of the line candidate whose voting record in the Senate is beyond reproach. Who is yet to take a single dollar of public or lobbyist funding. Whose name does not automatically identify him to any particular race, sex or even religious group. And best of all... who is not afraid to blog and comment on your blogs.....

I hope y'all do right and vote for him.

Dying to live tomorrow; Living to die another day

That..... was the title of a post I started yesterday but only got as far as the title; which my muse took quite literally... and seriously... dying to live again today.

That, now, is the title of my novel.... well, will be. I, today, signed up for nanowrimo2008.... just like I did last year at around the same time. The idea behind it, if you be too lazy to click on the link, being to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days beginning Nov 1st. Now, if that doesn't sound like a fun challenge then I don't know what does.

Actually, sounding like it is as close as it comes to actually being fun. In reality, if you have ever tried to write under pressure, and if your muse is as lazy as mine is, then you know that this is actually quite a daunting challenge. I know from experience... well, maybe I shouldn't say that seeing as to how the last time I signed up for this thing I did not even get started. I actually forgot all about it and only remembered like on the 2nd day of December that I was supposed to have submitted an entry into some competition or the other.

Anyway, according to the 3rd of the three and a half tips the people at nonowrimo wanted me to have beforehand (and this is where y'all come in) I should let everybody I know (y'all qualify though I may not know some of you as well as I do others), know that I will be writing a novel in November. This, supposedly, will come in handy in week 2 when the only thing that will be keeping me from quitting is the fear of looking pathetic in front of all y'all. Apparently, the looming specter of personal humiliation is a very reliable muse.....

In all honesty, I will trade your unreliable muse for my drunken, depressed, down in the dumps one. Anytime....

So... please feel free to call or write and enquire as to how my novel is coming along.

Here is to the coming month of November.... may you all live to see the day I publish my first... Pls don't hold your breath

Hangin' with Cliff, out here in limbo

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the tide to turn.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
So many things I've got to learn.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the dice to roll.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
Still got some time to search my soul.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,
But I know where I have been.
I don't know what life will show me,
But I know what I have seen.
Tried my hand at love and friendship,
That is past and gone.
And now it's time to move along.

Sitting here in Limbo
Like a bird ain't got a song.
Yeah, I'm sitting here in Limbo
And I know it won't be long
'Til I make my getaway, now.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,
But I know where I have been.
I don't know what life will show me,
But I know what I have seen.
Tried my hand at love and friendship,
That is past and gone.
And now it's time to move along.

Gonna lead me on now.
Meanwhile, they're putting up resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.
Sitting in Limbo, Limbo, Limbo.
Sitting in Limbo, Limbo, Limbo.
Sitting in Limbo, Limbo, Limbo.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.
- Jimmy Cliff

Me... me... mee... meme me

Meme Schmeme

As copied from Beth's blog. She said there were no rules to it. I meant to change the words but lacked the mental energy to think of any. So here goes....


Accent: Yeah... I do have a sexy twang, if I may say so myself. I'm still working at rolling my mother tongue tongue around those r's. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrret me reave this one arone. Next will be the ers.

Booze: I don't know who invented it but he must have been a genius; or she must have. I must say its been the best invention since sliced bread... or something like that.

Chore I Hate: Anything qualifying for a chore will bring out mixed emotions in me... and I'm not talking about joy n happiness. I am right now doing my laundry and I am hating it.

Dogs/Cats: I never quite understood how some cats go about calling each other 'dog'. "Sup dog"

Essential Electronics: Laptop; cellphone; laptop

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: Still looking to find it. I'll take suggestions.

Gold & Silver: Silver and Gold have I none.... Never had a thing for jewelry.

Hometown: Woosta - home away from home. Second largest city in Massachusetts yet it feels like a big small town; And I hate small towns.

Insomnia: Never heard of him...... or her; but trust me, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

Kids: Apparently none.... and I've checked. I even went as far as putting out classifieds in the local and un-local dailies. If you have reason to believe otherwise, please...

Living Arrangements: Temporally.... I mean, my landlord must know by now that I have no way of paying the six months worth of rent I owe him. It's only a matter of time.

Most Admired Trait: Wish I knew... I'd wear it more often. Come to think of it, I really don't know... I think all of mine are equally admired.... Or maybe I don't have none.

Neurotic Tendencies: Denial.

Overnight Hospital Stays: Once, when I was barely 3 yrs old. Don't remember much about it other than I got abused... yes, sexually. How else do I explain the nightmares with people in in lab coats... or the involuntary tightening of my sphincter muscles whenever I am in the vicinity of a hospital.

Phobia: None.... unless you want to insinuate that my fear of admitting that I am afraid is actually a phobia.

Quote: O.K. This was not a good idea..... You can quote me on that.

Religion: What can I say.... I've been searching for it in all the wrong places.

Siblings: One.... A brother, 8 yrs my junior.

Time I Usually Wake Up: Just before my alarm goes off... usually.

Unusual Talent: Evasion... It is only under special circumstances that this is considered a talent. I am right now hiding under those circumstances.

Vegetable I Refuse To Eat: None... A good testimony to my mother's gift of persuasion; or my aversion to pain.

Worst Habit: Procrastinating.... So badly so, I now even put off procrastination for another day.

X-Rays: What I wouldn't give for X-Ray Vision... I'll settle for the glasses.

Yummy Foods I Make: Well, are we talking me making them and they turning out to be yummy, or usually yummy foods that I do make? Sometimes... rarely I must admit, I do cook; even more rarely it actually turns out to be yummy.

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio.... I think.

Stuck in ambiguity

The clouds are hanging low... much lower than they usually do. It's not the lowest I've seen them... but it's mighty close. They are so low..... that they've obscured everything else; even the ever-recedeing horizon is not in sight. Dark... and heavy... Heavyset with gloom, filling the air with a sense of foreboding. The silver lining... if at all they have one... invisible, and while on occasion there are flashes of lightning, they serve more to blind than to illuminate.

************************

I do not care much for this place where I am. Nothing more would please me than to get the hell out of here; and yet I stay... but not by choice. A paralysis of the will has me immobilized. Perhaps, were you to look into my eyes... you might see the helplessness that has so overwhelmed me. I am pretty sure that not too deep inside them, the pain and the anguish I feel, are all too clearly reflected. The weariness engulfing me probably lines my face.... outlining in stark detail, the sense of utter defeat that I am right now feeling.

Voting... My two cents worth on it

People pls....
Vote for your right to exercise
Exercise your right to Vote

Monday, Sunshine, BHH

I am half-way thru the worst hour of my Monday... lunch hour. Well, our receptionist / operator's lunch hour. It is my day to relieve her and that my friends is a nightmare. But that is neither here nor there.... or is it?


The weather outside is gorgeous.... unlike this past soggy weekend. Mother-nature flicking a birdie at we? Who knows... right?


Well, so it was one lousy weekend... weather-wise, but we did make the most of it.... yes? I for one actually spent countless hours trying to warm my way into the heart of the International Chapter of BHH. Apparently there is such a Chapter... for those of you who, unlike me, are not in the know.


Banange.... how to tell how successful my efforts were? Perhaps when they award me an honorary membership?


I'll be sure to keep you posted.


In the meantime... here is to a sucker-free week for all y'all.

Lust, Caution

No... it's not my current state of mind... and no it is not what this post is about, at least not entirely.

That was the name of a movie I watched over a couple of nights this week. Yes, it was very long. I could do a review, but I find it rather difficult to write those. Besides, that too was not what this post was supposed to be about. No, I still don’t know what this post was about. But, for what it’s worth, I did like the whole movie, except for the fatalistic end. It’s set in Japanese occupied China, for the most part, and in Hong Kong where this young, innocent, breathtaking beauty goes to some college of sorts and quite by chance stumbles upon a drama group led by a radical nationalist.

She joins them and is assigned a major role, and goes along when later on during the school holiday the group decides to take on some revolutionary matters into their own hands. They decide to assassinate a very dangerous and influential enemy of the revolution… Her role here too is major, as it involves ingratiating herself into his household and seducing him, before luring him to her place where the others would carry out the assassination.

This plan fails and ends up in the death of some inconsequential bodyguard… and this ruined innocence running into the night. Three years later, back in mainland China, she again by chance stumbles into a member of the old group, and before you could say whuddunit, she has again been drawn into the middle of the revolution and once again, it seems that the success of this revolution is dependent on her successfully seducing the same gentleman, whose influence and dangerousness has increased threefold.

She goes on to do this with such guile and coolness that somewhat belie her innocence. As a matter of fact… if there is anything I can say about the movie… other than that the sex scenes were to die for – Halle Berry’s Monster’s Ball has got nothing on it, it’s that for one who had never before had an interest in acting (I’d assume), this girl seemed to fall into her role(s) a tidbit too well.

Speaking of falling into roles, it occurred to me this morning while under the shower that that is what I have done in my last few relationships… (read all). I don’t remember ever thinking to myself, let me ask this girl out… and then doing it. I’ve for the most part found myself in situations that were defined more by what others saw than what we (the two in the relationship) set out to portray. This is what I meant to write about when I started… but I now forget what was so post-worthy about it.

I highly recommend that movie.. if you don’t mind long movies with subtitles. Or if you just want to see the now infamous sex scenes, fast forward to about 1:28:32 or thereabouts.

Scent of a woman

I think I've been in the sugar business for too long; I'd forgotten the taste of real honey!

Breaking it down.... (A blog posting)

8:30 A.M. (Fri - Sep 5th, 08)
I think I owe someone an apology.....
'Fifee Dearest.... I know you called me last night. I know because at 12:04 A.M. I looked at the call history and the last call I received was yours. Before that, there were four missed calls. I don't know if we talked at all... well, the call duration was 5.20 min - thank God for technology, so we must have talked. I am hoping that I did not say anything untoward, but just in-case I did, I sincerely apologise. I was not myself... you may have noticed... no, I don't know who I was.....'

12:03 A.M. (Fri - Sep 5th, 08)
Something jolts me awake. 'What am I doing in the bathroom?' I wonder to myself as I painfully try to focus my vision. Silly question... what else would I be doing seated on the toilet? I wonder what time it is and as I lift my arm to look at my wrist watch, I realize am holding my cell-phone. "It's 12:04... holy shit!" I quickly click to the call history screen and see that yes... I missed Tim's two calls, and Tony's and Maggie's... "Wait, I talked to Fifee?"

My head feels heavy, literally, and I can't seem to get my brain to work. I can vaguely recall talking to her, but about what I cannot remember. Last thing I recall is coming in from the porch... sorry, balcony, and sitting down to write something. But that was two hours ago. Oh yeah......

10:04 P.M. (Thur - Sep 4th, 08)
'I should do this more often...' I'm thinking to myself as I upturn the Vodka bottle to make sure I get the last of it. I close my eyes and, my feet pushing against the balcony railing, I lean back in my chair and swish the drink around my mouth before slowly swallowing it. I ruefully stare at the bottle... regretting that it's no more. A quarter of a litre in less than an hour.... mhmm! And straight too. It tastes so much better that way; and gets to the head way faster. She always does this to me.

I contemplate smashing it against the stone wall across from me. I can imagine it swirling thru the air, its loud crash as it splinters into millions of smithereens interrupting the quiet of the night. It's what I'd like to do to her. Rip the memory of her out of my system and toss it out of my life. Preferably smash it into smithereens... and pray that she never comes back into my life. But I can't... can I? She's like a drug... every time I think I've managed to kick the habit, temptation knocks on my door... or in this case, calls my cellphone.


8:30 P.M. (Thur - Sep 4th, 08)
The phone rings.... Its Leah again. She has just left my apartment. I'd watched her from my deck as she carefully walked down the staircase leading from our condos, and then to her car. My heart had skipped a beat when she glanced in my direction before getting into the already running car.

I'd felt a tinge of envy when I'd realized that her boyfriend was with her and had actually been waiting in the car. No wonder she wouldn't stay for long. She had come to pick up a CD... she'd explained. She had brought me a bottle of Vodka... in exchange.

I'd thought she'd stay and drink it with me... she'd insisted that she was going home to sleep. I'd watched furtively, with mounting desire.... as she walked around my place... familiarity in her every step; absent-minded-ly opening doors - cupboards, fridge, freezers.... all this time talking non-stop.

Small talk... So what's new with me... she'd wanted to know. What have I been up to? What was I doing.....'

"Oh! I like the music you are playing... can you make me a CD. I just came back from Texas... I am so moving there.." And on and on and... just as abruptly as she'd come, she'd left... picking up a CD that was lying on the counter. I doubt that she'd even looked to see what was written on it.

'Thank you... ' I'd called out as she let herself out... Inwardly cursing myself for not acting on my impulses.

Now she was calling again...

"Hi.." I answer throatily... I hope she doesn't notice.

"I saw you..." She starts... then as if to answer my unasked question... "I saw you standing outside your door."

"Oh! Yeah... I was hot," I reply... "Thought I'd step out and catch the breeze"

"Really..." She goes...... in a tone that suggests more disbelief than anything... "and why may I ask... are you suddenly hot?"

"You don't want to know that..." I answer.... not untruthfully. The direction towards which this conversation is leaning, I do not care much for.

************************

I am still thinking about her... long after we've hung up. The more I think.... the worse I feel. Never felt this way before... can't quite understand why or what it is that I was feeling. An empty feeling... a hollowness inside. A hollowness that's yearning to be filled... to be stuffed with something.

What with?

I search my soul... I search myself.... I search for a while before my eyes fall on it.. sitting on the shelve..... of my fridge door... Raspberry flavored Smirnoff Vodka. There is some left... slightly less than half. I drag it outside

The first swig takes my mind off my problems.... that is an understatement. It fairly shoots me out of this world... but not for long. As I sit out here in the dark... me and the creatures of the night - bugs mostly, I reflected on my relationships past, dwell for quite a bit on mine and Leah's - the love and the hate... the loneliness and the fulfillment. And when I am done... with the reflection and the vodka both..... I get up and walk inside. I will write a post for my blog... I'm thinking. I gather my tools and sit down to the task.

Where to start? Where it all began of course.....

8:15 P.M. (Thur - Sep 4th, 08)
I've finally managed to get Virtual DJ working without any glitches on my machine... I'm trying my hand at mixing some Bongo tracks when I'm interrupted by my phone buzzing... I take it out of my pocket to see who's calling.

Leah.....

I hesitate a little before answering.

"Hello!"

"Hi Kei..." In that mischievously sexy voice that I used to think she reserved only for me. I have since learned that that was not the case.

"You in?"

"Yeah.... Why?" I ask rather warily... my heart already speeding up.

I hate it that I am so vulnerable around her. It's been a while since we've talked. I haven't thought of her recently. I thought I was finally cured of her... Apparently not...

And so I will wait for you - Beres Hammond

Yes.... I went and I saw. Did I get a worthy date? Well, I'm not so sure they were worthy... but nevertheless, what they may have lacked in quality they sure made up in quantity.... Yes, I had me two girls and no they did not know each other before last night.... though, I must say they do have a lot in common.... other than knowing me that is. They are two from my post on opposites. For a few hours there last night, my IQ and my self esteem and God only knows what else, went up a notch....... But that is neither here nor there.. no?

So, in typical K-Fashion... I woke up all psyched up for the concert. No, I lie..... I was woken up by some incessant banging at the back of my head. I tried to open my eyes but could only manage a squint. Right then my phone rang and as I said a throaty hello, I realized that the big one had finally caught up with me. I was having the mother of all hangovers. To cut a long story short, after writhing and retching and tossing and turning.... for two hours, I finally got out of bed and swore never to touch another drink.

So later that afternoon, I picked Mike up... we were to pass by Sam's place for some 'nyama choma' before heading out to Boston. We had plenty of time, we figured. It was only 6:30p and the concert didn't start till 9p. And you know how it is... they say 9 but, 9 is when the singer's plane is taking off from Jamaica. But we were supposed to pick up our dates in Boston, and you know how girls are. Well, if you are one you probably don't so just ignore that last jab.

Anyway, thing is, Sam, by the time we got to his place, had not roasted the goat yet.... So by the time we decided we had enough time to cook it, prepared the spare ribs, ran to the store to replace the empty propane cylinder... it was 9 PM by the time we hurriedly feasted on the poor goat. I was so...... ummm... frustrated by then, I broke my resolution and had three or so shots of Captain Morgan.

************************

At 11PM we are about two blocks from Lidos when we run smack right into a traffic jam. Didn't take long to figure that they were all headed to the same place we were so I did a quick uieee and parked the car at the nearest parking spot and we walked to the club. Line was all the way around the building... and no, there was no VIP entrance... not that it would have made any difference anyway, coz we don't roll like that.

Now, the last two concerts I've been to, there was no line, the performers didn't begin till like half past 11.... and even one - Luciano, actually didn't make it to the stage till 12:45 for a 15 minutes performance.... And both those times, I thought the place was packed... but boy was I wrong. Last night it was really packed. Let me just put it this way, sardines have it nice... they've never been packed like this.

Anyway, Beres and his Harmony Band performed to a sell out crowd in Boston, and he had just gotten onto the stage when we made our grand, though hardly noticed, entrance. He performed all those favorite love ballads we all love him for....

I wish you could stay longer
Putting up a resistance
Can you play some more
No Disturb Sign
Queen and a Lady
It's not official
Tempted to touch

.....and then some.

And the man can perform. I mean, for a guy who was already an established singer when I was born, the guy can perform. He sang non-stop, and danced like a twenty year old.....



Finally, at 12:30 he sang 'Rock Away' on his way out and me and my two steps.... sang 'I wish you would stay longer'

Beres Hammond

Pull up the vibes that you're playing,
Can you play some more, can you play some more.
Lift it up, jock it up, pull it up, come again now,
Can you play some more, can you play some more.

Yes, you got me rocking in a corner,
With all the lights turn down low.
Can't express how mi glad mi come on ya,
I've never seen so much good vibes flow.
Everyone inside is like family, yeah,
I see no strangers around.
The whole massive is here,
And tonight we nuh care.
Kill the violence dead,
Mek we rock it instead.
Jump and palave every man get red now.

Pull up the vibes that you're playing,
Can you play some more,
can you play some more.
Lift it up, jock it up, pull it up, come again now,
Can you play some more, can you play some more.

Scary and the one name Skellion,
Dem know everything wey a gwaan.
Mi a go rope dem inna me corner,
Fi find out if me brethren dem inna de lawn.
Everywhere I look is pure skanking,
I see no statue around.
Every massive is here,
And tonight we nuh care.
Kill the violence dead,
Mek we rock it instead.
Jump and palave every man get red now.

Pull up the vibes that you're playing,
Can you play some more,
can you play some more.
Lift it up, jock it up, pull it up, come again now,
Can you play some more, can you play some more

Yes! Its official... I'm a be seeing him on Saturday.
Now off to find me a worthy date, to rock away the night with

Opposites do attract

Brains attract me; if only I knew what to do with.....

Soni.. my friend's cousins' friend who though we never took classes together, we did at one point attend the same school. Now, while I'm still aspiring to aspire to be something worthwhile, she's teaching at Northeastern.... yes, the college - and about to embark on her PHD in some sciences or the other.

Kui.. who I met through this cousin of hers with whom I was about to get into a business deal, that is before he chickened out. Thankfully not before he had introduced me to lil' Kui who is just finishing her degree with some major that I cannot spell let alone pronounce, before going to the school of Pharmacy.

Njeri... my wild friend who's already earned several bachelor's and master's degrees, can speak at least 9 languages and is now looking to get a nursing degree. What for.... you ask? How? ....I ask.

Serah, the older sister of Mson, the girl who may rightfully claim to have been my first crush while back in Primary school, where the best way a girl could show her liking for a boy, was to offer him some of her food. Through her I met Serah who's just recently earned her second Masters degree in some human resource or the other.

And then there is me....

I think I need to skip the aspiring part and just become somebody.... you know, like a writer perhaps. Yes, I think I will. That way, when I am hanging with these educated girls and their nerdy peers, I can disdainfully throw it out there.... "I am a writer, I really don't give a rat's ass about what patent you are working on right now. Somebody get me another drink"

Lord.... I got to keep on, movi.....ing

It is a hard road to travel... and a mighty long way to go.

The horizon keeps fading and the terrain's getting more rugged. Persevere they say... and persevere I must. What choices I have.... keep walking or burst.

The pack's done left me... a straggler in their wake. And the vultures are circling..... I cannot afford to take a break.

My way.... Or the highway?

So what do you do when life seems to be coming at you too fast?
Do you raise your arms in hopeless defense… surrender; Or do you raise your puny fists…. clenched in defiance. Do you try to duck… and hope and pray, that you don’t stumble and fall; Do you turn and run… as fast as you can, not daring to look back, lest you find that it’s right at your heels, and you about to be overran….. Or do you just stand there, eyes closed, gritting your teeth as you try to brace your body, looking to take it like a man…..

Me I say fuck the highway... am doing it my way

Candidly refreshing

I always wondered why people in New-England were so cold and impersonal.... figured it must be something to do with the cold winters. Now I think I know the truth. Its because they are not happy.

Nah.. I shouldn't say that. Perhaps they are happy in their own peculiar way. What I should say is that they have not known true joy. That joy that you can only find in the en(joy)ment of a good ripe mango.

I sat outside in the muggy heat at lunch today; armed with a knife, a bowl and a bottle of ice-cold water. I had me a medium sized mango.... perfectly ripened, which I proceeded to carve up expertly with the little pairing knife I had.

You should have seen the curious ogling I got from all around me as I proceeded to indulge myself in what I am finding out is a peculiarly 'third world' pleasure.... Three ladies (not together) actually stopped and voiced what all the rest must have been wondering.

'OMG Kei, what in the world are you eating?'

Now, in all honesty, if the closest you've come to having a tropical fruit is a pinacolada at your local watering joint, then you truly are missing out on some of life's greatest pleasures. That ten or so minutes gave me a refreshing satisfaction that can only be rivalled by similar enjoyment of equally firm and succulent mango shaped breasts of a young woman.

Ok... Maybe I shouldn't have gone there...

"What have you done lately?"

That was the in-your-face ending question in 'Wanted'; that new movie with Angelina Hottie Jolie and Morgan Freeman. I happened to watch it twice (the things we do for love) on that July 4th weekend... I'm counting Thursday night as part of that Oh so long weekend.

So what have I done lately?

Mmhmmm! Well, I have not shot anyone down in cold blood.... but I did shoot somebody's advances down coldly, though I doubt that it would count as the same thing.

I've half interviewed for a new job.... I know, its a really weird story.

I've learnt how to and DJ-ed for a crowd of over a hundred peeps - before the popos... literally rained on our par(ty)ade.

I've asked two girls out and been coldly 'shot down'..... Now that I think about it... it is the same thing, if not worse than being shot in cold blood.

But mostly I have chilled... yeah, I know that is literally not doing anything.... My point exactly. I have learnt how to chill and do nothing and how to avoid getting exhausted doing it:)

What have you done lately?

Book-Signing-At-Some-Point-In-The-Year-2010

Scree ...eech! The Limo abruptly pulls into the allotted space outside the bookstore. It's an 07 Cadillac Escalade... long and old in this day. The guy that I rented it from said it was the only one he had available... the pompous ass he was. Like I hadn't seen the fleet of brand new S-Class Mercs at the back... and he had the nerve to point out that I did not have enough clout....

Ati..... "its not that we don't think you'll be good for it.... blah blah blah!"

The nerve. Did he not know who I was... Acha tu! He'll see.

"Stay for a minute please" I yell at the driver.

I ignore the look of disdain he throws my way and survey the throng..... waiting outside. Its not what I'd pictured, in my dreams... As a matter of fact the reality of stardom is really not living up to what I'd envisioned. But then again, some might argue I was not a star...

One has to be famous, they'd say.

There is a few people milling about... mostly middle-aged mothers. No teenage groupies clamoring for a piece of the K........ and even worse, no photo-journalists. There can be no fame without the press...... Oh man! Perhaps I should have listened to the vultures and gotten me a publicist.

I guess I have not arrived yet. There is a short line through the door. The line is quiet... settled...... patient even. A patience borne of a lifetime of raising children and waiting for working husbands. It hardly stirs when the over-sized limo pulls up... I seriously doubt it will budge when I get out... I close my eyes and replay that dream...

"A large crowd followed and pressed around him. Grabbing at him and chanting his name , if only to get but a touch of his fame..."

"Ahem!" The driver's impatience snaps me out of my reverie... He really needs to be put in his place.

I adjust my shirt and put on my scratched Ray-Bans..... before stepping out. I smile my way through the curious ogling and am halfway to the door before a fast talking Ms. Chandler grabs me by my elbow .

Her name is just about the only thing I get out of her quick introduction as she walks me through the door and leads me to a table where the line begins. And there on the plain table-clothe..... standing out like the proverbial sore thumb, is the reason am here.

************************************

I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself, did I? How lacking in manners. Well... If you've been reading my blog all this years, you don't need an introduction.... you probably know me better than I know myself.

If you haven't been? Well, you soon will... just tune in to Oprah these next couple of months... It's yet to be confirmed, but I have it from the grapevine... my book is being considered. Yap.... Rumor has it that she finally got a hold of one of the fifty copies I mailed her personally... That's right, my mother always said persistence was my key, that and the ability to tell tales...

So yes... I am a writer. Wannabe writer I should say. A famous wannabe writer: Or is it a wannabe-famous writer? Well, it don't matter really. Writing, I've found, doesn't make you a writer. Oprah and the New York Times do.

Is this the Summer season of my life?

My nights are getting shorter..... my days longer and my dreams weirder!
Three mornings now, I have woken up from dreams where my last thought has been.... "Why the hell am I dreaming with my workmates?"... only to find that it's barely 6 A.M. And that after having gone to sleep less than five hours before. And no, Crystal, this has not been after drinking the prev night.

El Patron.... And the month is gone.

Here's to a happy July.

June came and June went.... just like that.
We survived...
A little bent, perhaps, but break we did not.
The landlord's still waiting for my rent....
My drink's all but gone flat.......
We'll toss it out the window....
The month and the flat drink both.
Libation to my @$$hole of a neighbour, downstairs.

Happy July all y'all.

# 17

Final proof that Kobe is not the best basket-ball player in the world.....

Go

2008 Champions

The wretched of the earth.

The sins of the fathers, have visited from old
The never ending circle, of people bought and sold
So the wretched of the earth, will huddle from the cold
As the ship a full goes sailing, and motion back as gold

And amongst them I walked... shuffled more like it. Head shamefully bowed, eyes permanently fixed, to a spot two yards ahead of me, staring down, avoiding any eye contact lest I met a familiar face. Resolving never to look back... to always to move forward, though in perpetual circles.

But that didn't last long. This new world I was living was something else.... with millions of sights and sounds... though you didn't notice them at first. No, you tried to ignore them, you paid all your attention, instead, to shadows; yours and theirs.... and the stench - as vile as the vilest thing you could think of..... and the whispers and the glances that you thought were directed at you.

And the waiting.... for that mugging that you knew must be coming, even though you were keenly aware of your lacking in any valuable possessions. That waiting had you barely breathing.... afraid to make any noise, afraid to stand out any more than you obviously were.

But I waited and waited... and no attack came. Instead, in a moment of distraction, the most innocuous of noises, a loud guffaw... deep heartfelt laughter... from somewhere ahead of me.

Then, I had looked up and seen the friendly faces... the open arms, the raised glasses...

"Here's to your good health, sir," they seemed to toast.

I searched their faces... for some sign of hostility, malice.... pity... there was none. If anything... there was indifference. They didn't care that I had once separated myself from them. That I had looked down on them.... nose upturned in disdain, like I was better than they were. That I had chosen to walk a different path... one on a higher elevation.

I'd have spat on me, had I been in their place.

Instead they acted like they didn't care. Perhaps they didn't, lost as they were in ignorant bliss. What did they know of a higher life..... To aspire to live a life of significance was an oxymoron to them. They tended to put little significance in anything they did. The only thing that was significant about their lives was that they still had it.

They invited me to join them, to live it up... to live for the day. And I, though a little hesitant at first, embraced them back. They became mine and I became theirs... just as I was, with the little that I had.... I was one of them.... the wretched of the earth.

Side by side, we toiled..... to fulfill our basic needs.... to sate those thirsts...... all of life's lusts.

I enjoyed being one of them..... for a little while... but in the back of mind, I knew something wasn't right. This was too good to be true. I had seen what life had in store for us... this wasn't it. Not these cheap delights... nothing was supposed to come this easy. Real life required strife... a constant reaching for something higher, something more meaningful. Goals... dreams with deadlines..... suffering for worthy causes.... sowing and reaping.

But I was not ready to leave... not anytime soon.

Climbing.... Down

The last time I went over the edge.... it was a long way down... and I had no control over my descent... as a matter of fact I had hit the bottom before I could figure out what the hell was going on.

And when I hit it, I hit it hard. I was left a broken man, with a broken body and even worse a broken spirit....

And angry..... a timid anger at self... fueled by self loathing. A timidity that saw my aspirations crucified to the nearest stump... forever tethering me to these plains of mediocrity... that I may for eternity remain among my likes... these wretched of the earth.

I learnt a good lesson then, I was not going that route again. This time when I once again found myself teetering over the edge.... and recognizing it for what it was.. as well as my innate inability to reverse direction, I decided if I was going down, I might as well enjoy the journey.

This time I am going down my way... and I am taking my time doing it. I'll enjoy the scenery, take in the sights and sounds, accost those who slowly are trying to find their way back up, find out what it is I am to expect where I am going.

Those on the fast track I'll leave the hell alone, lest their momentum carries me back up with them. I cannot afford to mess with my destiny. I must climb all the way down... I must find that which beckons to me from below... that which together with fate has construed to nullify all my efforts at self-development... that which has made all the knowledge in my head useless.

Yes, I must find out what it is that has been gnawing away at my ambition.... stealing my ability to dream and sabotaging my efforts at self mastery. It lies somewhere down there - where I am headed.... but I am not in a hurry to confront it. I'll take my time to develop a plan... prepare my speech, arm myself with what little intellect I have left and try to convince myself that dying to save my soul is a worthwhile endevour.

Who knows, I might even change my mind on the way... God knows it won't be the first time I am quitting. Besides, quitting in this way might occur to some of you to be a triumph of the human spirit.... no?

There goes that adage of winners never quiting.... or is it quitters never winning?

Day off....yay!

Howdy peeps... hope you all good and keeping cool... or warm depending on what side of this mother we fondly refer to as earth you are on. As for me.... I am home on a Tuesday morning .... 9:19 as we speak, contemplating what to do with my free self after I get my molars and premolars cleaned... professionally. I took the day off knowing that I'd need a day to recuperate from my long weekend.... oh yes, I forgot to mention.... if you didn't see me lurking in your blogs these past few days... its because I had real life drama to participate in. I traveled over the weekend to the land of 10,000 lakes to watch my friend get her 2nd Masters degree... and for three days, I did not have a care of my own... instead I had a lot of fun, and food and drink and humidity and not necessarily in that order. So yes, to recuperate, I am thinking I should perhaps sit in the shade and watch people, or watch T.V Perhaps I should finish one of those numerous books I've recently started to read but stopped midway, or maybe sit down and blog. I think I'll start by finishing that meme that I promised Beth I'd do...... Hope you all have a great day at work and a good rest of the week. I'm out:)

Talking a lot and saying nothing

Many a voice have taken refuge in my head...

the intellect, the sluggard, the mumbler and the restless...
the sensible one and the senseless and the reckless
and the coward, yeah him too....

And they all be talking, but I know not what they be saying

True North?

Please tell me.... If I ain't heading that way, what does it matter then where the true north is?

The Devil's Advocate

Kevin Lomax: God dammit, what did you do to my wife?

John Milton: Well, on a scale of one to ten... ten being the most depraved act of sexual theatre known to man... one being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomaxes' household... I'd say, not to be immodest, Mary Ann and I got it on at about... [counts on his fingers]

John Milton: ... seven.


"What movie is this?" I ask the gentleman seated on the next seat. He answers with his eyes still glued to the 27" Panasonic in front of us. I settle back into my seat and continue to watch Al Pacino rant on as the devil... Satan's never been played so coolly...... I'm thinking.



"How's the party downstairs?" My neighbor asks.

I start at the sound of his voice. I must have drifted off. There is a commercial on T.V. The movie must have ended.

'Loud...' I want to say.

Instead, I look at my almost empty bottle of Heineken before replying. "....too many dudes, not enough booze"

"Or booty" I add as an afterthought.

"How was the movie?" I look up as I ask....

Dude is looking at me quizzically... Like he is aching to ask me something but is not sure if he should.

"It was great..." He replies somewhat absentmindedly.

"How do you know my girlfriend?" He asks after a short pause.

Now that there is a question I have never been asked before... It is heavily loaded with something... am not sure what.

"I know your girlfriend?" I ask with the most indifference I can muster in my voice.

I look at him closely as I answer. His face is vaguely familiar but for the life of me I cannot place it.He is studying my face too... I guess he's wondering if I am pulling his leg.

"Yes..." He replies... Probably satisfied that am on the level."We met at 'The Crossroads' a little while back. She introduced us."

'Leah!' My heart skips a beat.

I take a swig from my nearly empty and hope the shock did not register in my face. That's right.... no wonder his face looked so familiar.

I was drunk then....very. I wished I was as drunk now.

"Oh yeah!... That's right.... Leah. I'm sorry, I didn't quite recognize you. How is she? Is she here with you?" I'm hoping I don't sound as uneasy as I'm feeling.

"No she's working overnight."

Really? I think to myself glad that she's not. "Her mother and my aunt were great friends. That's how we met." I explain in answer to his first question.

"Didn't she tell you?"

" I never asked her." The dude seems a little embarrassed by my question as he replies.

"Its just strange that the two of you acted like you were real close yet she had never mentioned you before." He goes on to explain himself.

Trying very hard not to sound defensive... I explain that she and I were pretty much all we had for company when we first met. We had just recently arrived stateside and everyone we knew was a boring adult. Consequently, we had spent a lot of time together though we did not have much more in common other than our ages... That we did not get that close coz she had this boyfie who was still in Kenya... blah blah blah...

I am literally saved by the bell when the doorway to the basement opens and regurgitates a rowdy bunch, the cacophony that accompanying them drowning out my lame words.... Seizing my opportunity, I tell him I need to get another beer and bolt downstairs.

I spend the rest of the night watching out for the guy and avoiding any girl who looks halfway married. That means all.... even one Ivy who I'd been eying earlier.

I recently met Ivy at another party. I know she's not married... but I suspect she's taken. One young fella barely out of his teens had been hanging onto her skirts like a sick puppy at the last party. I have not seen him at this one.... but it matters not.

I spend the rest of the night at the DJ's booth.... nursing a guilty conscience.

Why did he look at me like that?

Had he read my blog?

Nobody calls it the Crossroad... He must have read my blog

The questions are endless... All have the same guilt ridden answer... "He knows."

Around 5 O'clock... I figure I've had enough and decide to leave. I need to find a decent girl and settle down... I'm thinking.

As I walk out to my car... Ivy is struggling to get into hers. I inquire if she feels fit enough to drive... She says if I am leaving she'll just follow behind me... that way I can watch out for her.

I am not sure that makes any sense but decide I'm too tired to argue.

As I am driving my mind drifts back to Leah and the boyfriend. I haven't seen her since the day she accosted me at my door. I have wanted to call her several times but stopped just short. Now I know for sure I never will.

I pull up into my parking lot and sit for a while before getting out. I resolve to stay away from girls, period. I got too much on my plate anyhow... All they ever give me is trouble.

As I open the door and get out, I hear the tap tap tap-ing noise of heels on tarmac and look up....

"I hope you have alcohol in your house"

"Ivy, what are you doing here?" I'd completely forgotten about her.

"I told you I was following you. You don't expect me to go home this drunk do you? My mother will kill me." She answers, leaning on my car's hood for support before kicking off her shoes.

I guess she's intent on staying.

"You don't need anymore alcohol" I mutter to myself as I help her up. She leans drunkenly against me as we walk to my door.

So much for my morning resolutions.