Tuesday, March 18, 2008

20/20 Vision


Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. 1 Corinthians 13:12

That was the title and verse of my daily devotional today... I remember reading a book by the title - Man in the mirror....
Good book... I think... or somebody else thought....

It was actually recommended to me by someone whose spiritual standing I respected and my recollection of its content are somewhat sketchy... But I digress... Actually, I don't think I even read the whole book.


Anyway, that there devotion sent me running to the bathroom this morning.... I had to see the man in the mirror....... or a poor reflection of him at the very least.

And the man was there, alright..... looking right back at me; a man!

Gone was the starry-eyed boy, who'd looked at the world.... and seen something to conquer; who's future had shone so bright... he'd constantly had to squint against its glare. A boy who'd smiled easily and laughed heartily... grinned thru his tears and hummed thru his fears....

Gone was the brave young kid who had been willing to singlehandedly take on the world... who while he hadn't had all the answers had only been too eager to seek out those who did... who'd had no tribal, ethnic or racial affiliations - he'd belonged to the world; and the world to him.

Gone were the eyes full of hope, the
face full of innocence, the smile full of cheer.... Gone was the eagerness to please, to prove his worth, to win everyone over.... to take on the responsibility that the world was only so eager to heap upon his young shoulders.

Not even a hint of the young boy, that once was, could be found.

Instead was this man.... haggard looking, with eyes blood shot...... cold and shifty... taking on the world alright.... measuring everyone up.... seeing everything and revealing nothing - cold dark eyes.

What had he done with the boy? This man whose face did not even hint at a smile, whose furrowed brow told stories that his dark eyes would not.... whose thoughts were anything but discernible.

This was a hard man, this one... Much older than his years, maybe a little wiser to the ways of the world than he was willing to let on.....

He stared back.... straight back..... a glint of cynicism, perhaps... as though laughing inwardly at my bewilderment. He continued to glare at me as I analyzed the marks on his skin.... the pock marks that told of a battle hardly won... against acne; the barely visible crescent-shaped scar, that had defied age and lived to tell its own story; the razor nick's beneath the shadow on his chin; the tell tale lines at the corners of his eyes; ........those eyes.

Those eyes made me feel uneasy..... those eyes knew something I didn't... they looked at me all too knowingly.... like they knew what I was thinking.... what I would say, were I to speak.... The stared back at me.... openly challenging me to beat them... prove them wrong....

I had to look away, I couldn't stand those eyes....

I miss that boy.... I really do.

Now as I sit and ponder at that verse.... (Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. 1 Corinthians 13:12)

I am left to wonder.... what will happen then; when the two come face to face as am sure they will, the man and the boy.

9 comments:

Maua said...

Has the devil got anything to do with this? Did I miss it???????

Maua said...

I'm reading this again.

KK said...

LOL! No she's avoided me since that fateful Friday night...

31337 said...

You cause me to go and look in the mirror and who i see i also cannot recognise, the haggard look, week old stubble, unkempt hair, no bloody wonder people treat me like a leper.

Be silent said...

The Man battles with the Boy?!!! Even me i have to go back and read....

KK said...

@31337: I can so relate:)

@Be silent: Take ur time dear.... and thanks for visiting

~beth ♥ said...

kk - I had to read it more than once because the sentiments so closely echoed the very thoughts I have been struggling with as of late. I so want to rediscover the fearless little tomboy that I know is inside me somewhere. I want her to collide with the woman I am now so that I can be the woman I know I can be ... instead of the jaded and tired individual I may have become.

The thing is - I'm beginning to suspect that a trip home to Kenya is in order so that I can make sense of it all.

KK said...

That trip probably is Beth... for me too. Somebody's idea of hell(or heaven) is the person he ends up being meeting the person he could have been. I don't want to have a lot of explaining to do when I meet that boy.... All the best n I hope you succeed:)

bomseh said...

I gotta find me a mirror to look into. I'm afraid of what I might see staring back at me, with all the innocence lost in the course of living life.