Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Crossroad: To call or not to call

"There is a fine line between courage and craziness, and one between wisdom and cowardice. The people who drew those lines never knew the difference." --



Tuesday morning found me leaving digz much earlier than usual...... I had had a fairly short Monday... and not just because they once again decided to confuse me by turning the clocks forward.... but that too.

On that fateful Sunday, I'd made my way out of the(now infamous) bathroom and tried to weave my way across the dance-floor to where I'd left my boys....

On the way I get accosted by three... Yes three.... committed mamas...... Apparently word's gotten out that Kei was disregarding normal business policy today... for these mamas (two of whom were married, and the third all but) want to do more than justdance.... they touch and they whisper, suggestively....

As I try (real hard) to pry myself from this tantalizingly big rear of the last of the three.... who should appear but Leah... I notice her from the corner of my eye and manage to step right into her path as she's dancing my way.

"Where is boyfie?"

She nods her head towards the bar to where a jamaa I vaguely recall talking to at some point is seating; watching a basketball game on T.V.
Some guys I just don't get.....

So we ragga, ragga ragga (hold bodies close together and somehow match the beats of the music with the movement of the bodies) for the next fifteen or so minutes... fifteen minutes of pure ecstacy I should add.... interrupted, finally, by the harsh lights coming on at closing time.

"I gotta go..." she says as she gives me a hug.....

Do you really have to? I ask, genuinely disappointed as I bury my face into her sweaty neck and drink in the raw smell of her skin.......

"Make sure you call me" She says as she detaches herself from my clutch.

She leaves all of my senses pining... craving for more stimulation.... I am not only punch drank from the alcohol, now am also drank with desire....

I find my boys and bid them farewell.....I wonder at this lighthearted feeling I'm feeling inside as I walk to my car.... somewhat akin to being in love... except I know nothing about that.

Drive home is fairly uneventful.... unless you count jumping several red-lights and picking up strangers at two a.m worthwhile events.... (They were but that's a story for another blog)

Anyway, I finally get home at around 3 am and promptly plop onto the bed.... Next thing I know, I am openign my eyes to bright sunshine.....

I know it even before I confirm with my watch that is way late.... 9:45 AM as a matter of fact.... I was due at my desk at 8:30... all I can do is burst out laughing.....

So yeah.... a rather short Monday... full of inexplicable aches and pains... thinly disguised hostilities from bosses and fellow employees..... laboured breathing.... and so on and so forth.... No time to ponder my next move at this particular crossroad in my life; besides I had a dinner date that night to worry about.

So Tuesday, with my boss' admonishment still ringing in my head... I arise bright and early and drive to work.... and right from that drive... till I start the car again as I leave at five.... I can honestly say that my brain's activity has been concentrated around one thought..... 'to call or not to call'

I'd flipped my phone open, and scrolled down to the L section so many times, an astute observer would likely have labeled me sick. I had not paid attention at work.... hardly gotten anything accomplished...

Why was I making this out to be such a big deal? I had asked myself that so many times..... and drawn a blank each time....

I had tried to remember our days together... and truly there was nothing spectacular about them. I had tried to remember her from Sunday night but that too was difficult..... save for those hauntingly deep eyes, there was not a physical attribute of hers that I could vividly recall.

What I remembered, though, was the lilt in her voice when she said to call... the intense way she held on to me when we hugged.... the abandon with which she'd danced... how she'd felt in my arms. It was all foreign and very real to me......

What little history we shared bore no bearing....

Or did it? Had I forgotten that the reason she had rejected my advances 7 yrs ago was the very boy with whom she was still cohabiting.... That her younger sister and I had had a very tumultuous relationship just around the same time?

Was she or was I out to get her for some conceived hurt from back then.... I've known a woman's fury first hand, I cannot afford to dismiss that thought....

And so my mind went.... all day... leaving little space for anything else.

By five O'clock I'd made a decision.... and no, I did not weigh the Ps and Qs.... I just got tired.... mentally and physically.....

I was gonna call and find out what it was that she wanted from me.... whether she was being serious or just stringing me along... Why now? How about her boyfie?

I was going to ask questions and was not going to hang up until I was satisfied......

No... am gonna tell her that I am game. That whatever she had in mind I was willing to do... God knows I'd waited 7 yrs....... Right, like she's gonna believe that.

How about I just play it cool and act like nothing happened the other nig....

"Hallo.... oh shit!" I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't realise the phone was ringing.... and she hadn't answered. I waited for her voice mail intro to end.....

Sasa Leah! Uuuumm its me... Kei... remember... uuuh yeah we sorta stumbled into each other.. the other night.....

I had to erase that one (thank God for digital voice mail) and about four other voicemails attempts... before leaving one with just my name on it.

Damn voice mails.... Now to wait n see if she calls back.

3 comments:

31337 said...

Ever since you were 20, boy, you are fantastically patient, what is it about this mamaa? 7 years? Man!

Maua said...

She knows u called, wait n see. Good luck.

archie4 said...

ngoooooja wewe, how can you delete YOUR voicemails from HER PHONE! Could you teach me to do that? Coz I've left some crazy messages for my in-laws...