Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Cooking.... not Communicating, Sisters....

Lord save me from girls who can't cook... or worse still, those who can but chose not to... What is this world coming to? I mean, I can totally relate with them..... I know how to cook but will not be bothered to.... But I am a man... or does that mean nothing anymore in these days of gender equality and same sex unions?

'Antidisestablishmentarianism'

There, I finally used a big word. I don't know what it means and no! I refuse to turn to google or wiki to find out.... I would never use it in my regular-speak, thanks to my mother and her heavy tongue which I inherited, and I won't use it in a sentence - in or out of context, but I will throw it out there.... Perhaps some of you bloggers who are forever sending me to google-land with the constant spewage of big words would care to enlighten us simpletons. I hope you too are forcede to go looking for the meaning of it.... and I hope I spelled it wrong just to throw you the hell off.


Ok. Back to my post...... I was going through my text msgs on my phone and came across a barrage of texts from my ex-GF from back in the days before we added the ex prefix. The majority of which went along these lines :- ...hi hon, am cooking tonight so if you are hungry you can stop by after class..... hi pie, am almost done cooking so if the worms in ur tummy r getting vicious only a little while longer and they'll be fine...... hi hon, I assume u r still @ d library. I am cooking, just call me when u leave.... and on and on and on... she clearly had learnt the route to her man's heart. She was good in communicating (her feelings) like that...... and I wasn't, but that's a story for another day.

So am looking thru and erasing them memory-evoking texts when I come across this particular one.....In reply to my text asking if she wanted me to go over to hers for the evening, she'd replied....

'sorry hon, I don't think you want to..... my sister from Red Hills is in town...'

Now, given her tendency to loudly communicate her 'feelings'....
I could envision why she'd be shy about entertaining a nocturnal guest in the presence of what I assumed was her elder sister from London; but, we could always stuff a sock in her mouth or as I read in somebody's blog today... she could bite a pillow....there was a will and I was going to find a way.

So as soon as I can I call her and say, "Hey, how about we let your sister have the bedroom and we'll take the couch.... " or something to that effect.

And she bursts out laughing.... that outright laughter that 'communicates' to the laughee how err... stupid what u just said sounded.... So I counter... "hey, don't tell me you are going to let some Londoner ruin our night...."

This time she pauses a little before going, "Kei, you mean to say you never heard that phrase before?"

You can imagine my bewilderment as I enquire as to what the hell phrase she was talking about. So she goes..."Red hills..." and am thinking...."its not a Suburb of London?"

So sensing that we were not on the same page here (duh!), she attempted to take the wool off my eyes so to speak:-
".......mwaura?
...........rolling ?
.............raining?
.......... kunyesha?
...............red robot?
.................. in the red,
..............................reds?"

By this time I have a pretty good idea what she's talking about but am enjoying the growing exasperation in her voice....So I let her go on and on about her damn periods... and I end up going to bed hungry....I gotta find me a girl who can cook.



19 comments:

Crystal balls said...

hahahahaha, ok, you win hands down. ;)

KK said...

(Bows) in humble appreciation:)

Maua said...

Kwani when the red rain rains, we diet. Blogthren, pls lets get him a girl who can cook.

Kelitu said...

You are crazy!!!

First off i wanna firgt you for using big words.
Then i wanna fight you again for wanting a mama who will just cook (what the...??!!) kuwa serious!!

Then i wanna hug you for making me laugh with that redhills... i thot she meant her sister who lives in Red hill (the rich 'burbs)was visiting...

And why was you relationship centered around food??!! mmhh??!!

KK said...

Lets just say you ought to reread my posts like Crystal does... they are always laden with double-speak.
There r several ways to a man's heart and the tummy is only one of them:)

Bomseh said...

Nice post up in here.

You could always learn to deep-fry eggs. Easy food for such situations. Or better still, The sister from Redhills doesn't last thaaaaaaaaaat long so u can do take-away in the meantime. Heck, what am I saying now? Kweli u need a cook, I mean a lady who can cook. Si those tu adverts sema that with those products they can even wear tight white hipsters and party like rockstars, so why can't they cook? Yeah, seriously.

31337t said...

Good luck in finding a mamaa who can and is willing to cook as well.

How that went down the roads of periods is a matter i shall not attempt to comprehend.

KK said...

Dude! Like I said... I know how, I just can't be bothered:)

Udi said...

boss. I am loving ur blog xcess. I have never chekad like this on a furahiday

KK said...

glad to hear am contributing to ur furahiing.... enjoy ur wknd:)

modo lolling (not rrr...l) hehehe said...

dude, fwanny! LOL. ati "sis from red hills"? hahhaah, and then it's also called mwaura? ok, i knew of the other 'mwaura'.

farmgal said...

I didnt get it till I arrived huko kwa list! That said, si you'd have gone for a cuddle and a meal?

---Supreme-G.R.E.A.M--- said...

Am wondering what the hell I was doing when I missed this piece of brilliance. I am seriously cracked up

KK said...

LOL! Greamz... t'was prolly about the time u was getting mugged:)

gishungwa said...

Tired of lurking, please please come back. Will cook if thats what it takes LOL

Terry anne said...

i'm puzzled. How exactly does flexing your culinary skills in your own home make you less of a man?

If you are the better chef are you saying you will eat a dish prepared ok by your lady while knowing you'd have done it better and enjoyed the process more? What is wrong with you being chef and her doing the cleaning?

If preparing meals in your OWN home for YOUR loved ones makes you doubt your worth as a man, i'd hate to see what the big, serious stuff in life will do to you.

btw the periods and PMS jokes are always lame especially when told by people who do not get them to begin with.

KK said...

I couldn't agree with U more, miss.... cooking shouldn't make me doubt my self worth and I too would hate to see what big, serious stuff in life will do to me..... esp critisisms of jokes I didn't make.

Terry anne said...

i was not critizing. I was pointing out that they are tasteless jokes.Repeating them even if you are not the original source is even worse. don't be the guy who laughs at anything. we already have too many of those in our country and that is what is making me sound harsh.

KK said...

OK Terry... at the risk of sounding patronizing, let me point out that humor is largely subjective and so is taste. What you don't find funny others may and do... my posts are mostly tongue in cheek motivated by whatever it is that motivates me at any particular time.. in this case a dare by a good friend and blog reader who is also female to do a post on Ps without being crude.... and up untill now I thought I had succeeded:(
Now I have to find Crystal and return the ....