Monday, April 14, 2008

No Cock, No Bull...... Just Bollocks

Boy do I have the story for you.

Well, truth be known, I have none.... Not the bollocks you deviant, no... the story.

That title, though, came to me in a vision... Well, I could say dream, but my dreams rarely leave me inspired... or half inspired as is the case here.

3:00 A.M. this morning or a few minutes to it.... the words in the title were echoing away....deep in the dark recesses of my subconscious.... Defiantly forcing themselves onto my consciousness, and sleepy me with them.

Made no sense then, making even less now... nearly 10 hours later.

I figured it must have something to do with my upcoming biography; in all its fictitious glory... which by the way should be coming out soon....

As soon as I uhmmm.... finish writing it, which hopefully should be within my lifetime... and yes Oprah's... and as I am now made to understand, Maua's too.

A lot of pressure there...

Not nearly as much, though, as say if the publisher had given me a $8 M down payment and a deadline... but I guess those are reserved for Ex-Presidents.... is that what you call former heads of state.... and their wives, mistresses and their ilk. All the Aides who've given them head...err the go ahead I meant.

People who have publishers. And agents and...... Ghost writers.

Apparently, last thing you need is the writing ability. Just an unbelievable lie for people to own and brag about owning at cocktail parties.

I beg your pardon... I don't even have a publisher... other than me that is... And sorry but no.... no way me is paying no down payment.

Ati 50% now.... and the rest when I maliza the said book. How can me trust I to not spend that money.... before I earn it? Mbele I have been known to spend even that which was not mine to earn let alone spend.

Besides... its 50% of what? How can I dare to put a price to a work that is literally my life.... past, present and future... regardless of the fact that it is not now worth much. Should I attach the overly-inflated value of my Dell typewriter? And the toll that this Vodka is taking on my body..... not to mention my note-bare wallet?

But fear not folks, me has a plan... and for those like I, who know me well, you know any plan by me is bound to be devious.... but workable in its simplicity, and that any involvement in it would mean.....errr!

Can't quite go there yet; major part of my exposé (auto-bio project) you know... don't want to go revealing for free what you would much rather pay top dollar to read... right?

Anyway, me thinks that what's holding up the writing of the bio is a lack of motivation... read money... and so, since as the publisher, me don't have the means nor the will to put some cash money down... only other way to get that money is to uhmmm, solicit it from the willing venture capitalists.

That, my dear readers, is you...

No... seriously...... Think about it......

Just you imagine, I....... the greatest writer yet to be discovered; And You..... having put down half of what will be the cost of the published book... and thus becoming the discoverers of I... partnering in the creation of what is bound to be the greatest revolution in book writing/publishing history.

'Bollocks!' you say.....

But what did you expect? A cock and bull story?

4 comments:

Crystal balls said...

You're still on my 'to read' list, so I humbly accept your solicitation. Can I pay in chocolate?

bOMSEH said...

And when is the said deadline?

Tandra said...

(((grins)))

joyunspeakable said...

there is a wannabe in all of us...take cheer