Saturday, April 12, 2008

Treatment .......

Ok... avid fans... At the risk of earning your ire.. and tons of hate mail, I interrupt my biography-writing session to let you know that all is not well in the literary world... my little corner of it anyway.

Its hard I tell you... this constructing something outta nothing is really something.... Mob props to the big man upstairs.

Creation was no small feat I tell you; and in six days too? Wow!

But I doubt He had any deadlines to beat... or had to go to school and report to a boss in the same twelve hours.... For all we know, he may have been procrastinating all the while until all he had left was them seven days....

Who knows, maybe all he had was just six days and in a last-minute inspired humorous moment, he invented the seventh day to make himself look good... or to make sure we didn't ever have a chance of catching up with.

All in all, he did have way more to work with than I do...

O.K..... Maybe I should rephrase that; he did have way more he could do with his 'a whole lot of nothing....'

Anything! Nothing was defined for him. Adam could have gotten two mouths or, God forbid, two penises... and no-one would ever have been any wiser.... Nope, not even Eve.

I, on the other hand, have to create some semblance of my real life, or else my so called fan-base will quickly transform into their 'just-bubbling-below -the-surface' lynch-crowd version.... thirsting after that very life they were willing to pay to read about.

But to my consolation, His were the days before the Russians invented Vodka.

So I do have something, a bottle to clutch (and blame), which he didn't.

I wonder what he turned to, when after he'd separated the night from day... and he'd gotten hi-fives from them lovely looking heavenly creatures... and being without a wife (that we know about).. he'd had to sleep off a dayful of fatigue. I wonder.

I bet you have surmised so far that I really am sick.... home sick that is. I miss being close to mummy dear. Though I talk to her, more often now than before, thanks to Safaricom, It still doesn't take away this empty feeling in my abdomen that was never there when I lived in her house.

Yup! Though we were not exactly rich... we never went to bed hungry. At least I never did... I had this funny affliction which ummmm... turned me off food for the longest time. It only got cured, now that I think of it, when I moved out of aforementioned house.... and basically started fending for me self.

Right about then, this painful pangs started to attack me on a regular basis... And they did not relent until I had taken the over the counter treatments they sold at them fast food restaurants. Fast, I now know, describing the speed at which your girth enlarges as a consequent side effect of said treatments.

So dear fans, please excuse the idle appearance as we go in search of this treatment, without which, I won't stand a chance of completing this book.... While on the other hand, taking of which may mean my premature demise a la clogged arteries et al.

I vote we go for the treatment then get started on the Autobiography. Somebody second please:)


Tandra said...

like OMG!!!! Booooooooots!!

.. sowi sweets, someday soon u will b with mummy...((fingers crossed)))

Crystal balls said...

Aaaaaw, you're a mummy's boy ! seconded on the treatment. do they have a ny nice nurses over in that there treatment facility? the kind that don't taste the said medicine?

Anonymous said...

i live for fast food ! it keeps my pots clean [and unused]and the threat of girthly expansion gives me lots of excuses to service the jacuzzi...great for the heart ;)

KK said...

@ Crys... they do have some nice looking ones yes, but all they dispense they dispense from behind a counter... or drive thru window.

31337 said...


Get to work young man!

joyunspeakable said...

He up there does not need to look good to no-one. he is good...

You are a product of His spoken word and you better capture this on your Autobiography.

KK said...

You got it Joy... that is the one thing that I will no doubt expound on... you wait and read. Speaking of which, no one's come thru with the downpayment. I wonder how you all expect me to write on a beggar's budget.