Strange dreams

That's it... No more tylenol for me... or any medication for that matter.... whether it makes dubious claims of making or not making you drowsy or not. I read (past tense) and reread the wrapping and nowhere did it mention a deviation from regular dreaming as one of the side effects. Now, any dream is actually a huge anomaly for me who doesn't dream much if at all, especially on Thursday nights. Now a dream like I had this morning is clearly a result of something I was on and no I did not touch my revered bottle since the stupid med directions insinuated that I shouldn't take it and consume alcohol and then proceed to drive...... And I followed the stupid directions too.... like I was going to be driving in my dream, which incidentally I wasn't. At least I remember that much.... what I don't remember is what the dream was all about. I know I was not the main star..... Who's Josh McFadden by the way? He wasn't the main star either but I remember him b'coz I concluded my dream thinking what a strange life he must lead. Now thats...... I don't know..... no more tylenol for me.

It's all in my mind

I determined about three or four weeks ago not to feel cold........ Thats right, I believe it's all in the head. Actually, I read somewhere of this guy who froze to death after accidentally locking himself in one of them freezer trucks that transport meats and other perishables....... Strange thing was, the freezer was actually not on and the temperatures inside were just slightly below room temperature... Poor dude had actually created the freezing elements in his head and proceeded to freeze his body...... How cruel.

Now, having slept thru Gathanwa's Biology classes, it was easy for me to figure out what the outcome would be were the circumstances to be reversed. So I went ahead and spent the money I'd been saving for a winter coat on some esophagus-warming fluids and went on to brave the elements with regular fall wear..... long sleeves and scarves, threadbare gloves and beanie... And believe you me, even when the natives were scurrying about trying to get to the warm interiors quickest possible, I was comfortable enough to stroll from my car to wherever I was going without feeling that cold. Yes, even when the average temps were in the one digits for the Fahrenheit-ers or in the negatives for those of you who are Celsius inclined.

Amazing what the mind can do huh? Two days ago I decided I was going to be sick.... stupid right? Yes, in hindsight now I know..... At the time , well, it seemed advantageous.... I had a test coming up that I had been too lazy to study for and I really didn't want to go to work.... so what better excuse to stay home and study. By the end of that day I was sniffling and true to form, I woke up (was rudely woken) at 2 a.m. and the first thing I noticed was the soreness in my throat. Needless to say I didn't go to work yesterday and yes I did manage to do some studying.... not that it helped.

Now, how to reverse this mind thing.... I went to work this morning and wished I hadn't... I was in such a sorry state... I was sneezing and sniffling all over the place and the box of tissues I bought on my way to work was not nearly adequate..... It was just pitiful.... The medication has not helped either... perhaps because there is no bug to kill.... and while I have tried to tell myself that I am not sick, my mind can't seem to get around all these yucky tissues all over the place. I guess I'll sleep over it tonight and see if I can come up with another ingenious idea.

I, apparently...., need some male friends........

Will you be my friend?

I only learnt of this rather discomforting fact yesterday from one of my 'female' "friend"s at work... first thing in the A.M. via I.M... imagine that.... I mean, she could've chosen a more tactful manner... like pulling me aside in the cafeteria.... or slipping a note..... or something....

Her justification...... apparently I hang out with women too much... And no, she's not one of the alleged hanger-withs.....

So how does she know? Apparently, I behave or act like her brother-in-law who, you guessed it, hangs around women (her and her sisters) too much. Now, what could have prompted such an unabashed affront at my masculinity?

I really don't know...... All I did was suggest that she should take me out to dinner after she let me know that she had come upon an unexpected cash windfall.... And when she'd retorted that I think only of self, I had let her know that I think of her with self....

Then she had let me have it.... Really unprovoked don't you think? Anyway... that was enough to get me upset and I remained curt all day though I doubt that she noticed.

I hate it when people (un)intentionally ruin my day just like that... especially on a day that had began on such a promising note......I'd managed to get up bright n early n chatting with (3) wonderful girls where we discussed, amongst other juicy stuff, the various names given to that monthly affliction suffered only be females with one; I'd learnt that I was soon going to be an uncle from the second; and from the third, that despite the fact that she did not quite sight the moon and the stars, my efforts to afford her that luxury the previous night were greatly appreciated.... (Mental note to self - get more sheer drapery)

Then I get to work in them high spirits and this lady(heifer) deflates my overblown ego with one damning statement. From there I basically trudged thru the day, trying to avoid my boss and co-workers who are mostly women.....

And as if to agree with her, my brain could not, try hard as I might, drudge up the names of any of my numerous (pls take my word for it) male friends.

How sickening...... huh? Well, I was sneezing and blowing and aching by the time I got home.... I started to write this post but didn't have the energy so I tried to summarize my day.... then retired with my flu like symptoms determined not to make it to work today. Which I didn't...

Now, hoping am not contagious, boys; any takers? I am a well rounded, hot blooded, vodka imbibing, nyam-chom eating black male of African descent.... I can tell bawdy jokes, discuss several sports, drive a stick and for an added bonus I know one or two secrets that women don't want you to know.

Sooooo tire........

the train's done came n hit me today
crushed me n took all me strength away
Should have seen my body go sway
this here then that there way
trudgin from morn to end of day
Darkness come..... swallow me up I pray

Reflecting on the long term

Its been three years since I was knocking on your door......

Sorry... I was having a Bob Marley moment... yes another one... I tell people all the time that I am a Bob reincarnate but they don't believe me.... I mean.... I was born and he died.... I know......, and you probably don't believe it either..... So I won't bother to tell of the dream where I was 'spiritually' abducted and brought to heaven (I know it was coz the 'grass' there was so green and grew every where) to face him..... the little I could see of him behind all the callie smoke that conveniently curtained him from my reality.... And had to explain why I am not yet in the music business.... Twelve year old me? Clearly weed makes you delusional.......


Anyway, back to my reality today.... ever had one of those of deep reflection moments hit you? Well one got me bad this morning, quite unexpectedly I should add.... I mean, most Mondays I sleepwalk thru the morning.... wake up at noon to find that it's still Monday and go right back to sleep and walking.... Basically I am too busy avoiding furniture, bosses, nosy workmates etc.... to sit there and reflect.


Today was different though... One of the nosy workmates even commented on my alertness... I guess I should review everything I did last night and make a note to do it every Sunday..... but back to my reflection.


I have never been good with longterm relationships.... I mean how could I when I never had one... that is until three years ago when Bri and I first got together.... and even then I would have thought twice if I had known that that was where we were headed. Too late now..... I'm not about to bail out on her or anything....


Like all good relationships, we've had our bad times and all but we've managed to get thru most..... though we've lost quite a lot of stuff in the process..... Including, unfortunately, the feelings that we had in the beginning..... I know I have... I shouldn't speak for her.....


Regardless, I admire her very much for the quiet steadfast manner she has maintained while putting up with all the crap I bring her way.... and its a lot.... I am totally ashamed to admit but that's what deep reflections will get you to do...... confess without thinking.... blah blah blah


So this morning in my rush to get to work before I was more than five minutes late.... I accidentally shoved her into a wall.... Shove is probably not the right term since you can't really picture shoving and unintentional together..... anyway, she must have been really upset for I didn't hear a word from her as I apologised profusely while grabbing for my bags and packed luncheon....


As I carded myself into my workplace... the only emotion that registered in my head was remorse..... hence the reflection...... And reflect I did.... I could not, try as I might, get rid of the image of that long dark bruise that seemed to grow darker and more sinister the more I reflected.... obviously my reflection mirror has been used um thoroughly unused.... just like most of my brain.....

I feel really bad about the abuse I've put Brianna thru...... I truly am sorry.... and I don't really know how to tell her. I'm thinking featuring her on my blog might go a long way.... if I can successfully send her an anonymous tip.... Does she even know what a blog is? I can't believe how I can be in a long term relationship and not be aware of the other's knoweths and knoweth nots.

Parking Wars........

its a show I just caught on T.V. that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.... wait, maybe that was just from the poison I imbibed last night.... Can't believe its been twelve hours and my attempts to piss it out of my system have been thus unsuccessful .... I'll have to devise more creative ways... I'll have to become creative first.... what am I going on about.....

Parking wars.... they take a camera crew and follow parking clerks around and apparently there is a lot of drama in these peeps' jobs for sure..... I, personally.... or should it be - Me I... haven't had to ever deal with parking clerks.... cops, prefects or whatever their politically correct name is. The sneaky bastards have always managed to slither away by the time I walk up to my gift-carded car...

Just as well.... my self image can only take so much beating... I mean seriously... Should I have caught the uniformed man in the act... even worse had it been a lady... my lame self would have likely apologised profusely, perhaps even thanking them for gleefully doing their job.... after all its my tax dollars paying them.... I would have taken the ticket and promised to have the check in the mail the next day..... gotten in my car and after banging my steering wheel with all the might I could muster, I'd have proceeded to berate myself mercilessly for first being stupid enough to earn myself a ticket and even more for not telling the stupid a$$ what I really thought about them and their ticket and my tax money..... My wit would have probably kicked in right then and all these smart ass remarks would have streamed thru my head like a teleprompter on steroids.....

But not the dudes on T.V... oh no... seems like they filmed only those who could dish out heaps of insults at these law enforcers.... and boy did they let them have it... and half of the lot did not take the tickets... some even ripping the tickets right there in front of them..... I bet you their conversation with self was much different from mine... I'm sure they would go home congratulating themselves and share with their buddies how they had given it to 'the man'.... that is until 'the man' gave it back to them twicefold in the form of a fine for not paying the original ticket in time.... which they were not about to take from a lowly city worker...

Now there's a meaningless post if ever there was one....

Tagged again....

For crying out loud... looks like no matter how much I ignore it this tag thing won't go away....
Ok.. where are all those rules again? I don't see....
the rules...

- Link to the person that tagged you. - that would be Crystal na Neema
- Post the rules on your blog. - how to do that?
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. - all my quirks and habits are important to me
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. - does random have to be part of their blog title or name?
- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website - Nobody is random in my sphere. You all count buddies... though I know you not.(Bry, Potash, Shiroh,Snoop)

First, I am fairly new to this blogging thing but not necessarily to writing... I write when I am happy, sad, elated, depressed, bored etcetera.... I draw the line at drunk only because multitasking is not......... Now, you may not consider most of what I put down on paper or kompyuter writing, but thats your beef not mine.

Second, I recently learnt, (while watching CSI), that my greatest fear is the fear of getting known..... Apparently this fear of being found out has had me building walls upon walls upon wall, and moats on either side and then starting the foundation of another.... I'd go on but I might inadvertently disclose something revealing about me.

Third - I hardly ever watch TV which I guess is why it always turns out to be a journey of self-discovery (see above). When I do its usually a movie... Or something with an end.... I hate getting hooked to serials.... reminds me of scrumming for front row seats in High School (of all places) to watch 'The Bold and the not so Beautiful' on Sunday nights after preps.... imagine that in an 'All boys' high school. Just the thought of it .... pure embarrassment.

Moving right along... I am a terrible liar..... As in I tell terrible lies or I am terrible b'coz I lie.... I wish I lied terribly but that wouldn't work coz then everyone would know that I am a liar.... I tell the truth too but usually in an unbelievable way(lie format); so that you never know whether I am lying or telling the truth... and even when you know that I may be telling the truth, you will be wanting to not believe me and thus I will have lied to you truly.

Lastly.... I find myself very confus(ed)ing... I tried and tried and tried to understand myself but the harder I tried the less of me I knew.... so finally in total disgust, I gave up, shrugged my shoulders, washed my hands, threw in the towel,..... so on n so forth.... simply put I stopped trying and kept drinking.... and Voila / Vodka..... there it was; clear as daylight.... except it was in the middle of the night.... last night as a matter of fact.... sic! Now I know where to find myself:)....... In a barroom full of white people dancing to black music and sipping from Chinese glasses..... in there in the 'Men Only' bathroom is a grimy mirror with a crack right down its middle..... I glanced at it and therein I found myself.... hanging(on for dear life) over the edge.... terrified, of plunging into this dark madness they call sanity. Or is it sobriety? Funny, I never can tell.

Did I mention I work in a state hospital? I guess that would be my last quirk or habit or unimportant importantness..... jeez, where is spell check when you need her the most......

Now I have to go and embarrass myself some more - tagging people I have no business tagging.... I tell you... the things we do for love....

Eureeeeeeeeeka!

'It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. '
Proverbs 31:4-7

Again I listened..... and switched from strong drink to (cheap) wine.... and I did indeed forget my poverty and my misery(s); only to wake up with more misery and wishing I had died or at least gone home last night.... yeah I forgot to do that too. So being neither a King nor the (legitimate) son of one, I am left with my original (strong drink) choice...... Talk of being royally screwed.

On a lighter note..... I have figured out a formula for formulating a post or any other writing for that matter - think novel, autobiography, textbook, resume and what have you.

(Babblicious Incoherence) X (Progressively Chronic Writer's Block) = Legible Rantings

With Babblicious incoherence being what happens when your thinking is way faster than your write or type speed; and
Writer's Block being typing or writing way faster than you can think......

Will NOT work if you can't think at all......

Due to the variability of the two components, it would be unwise for us (me & I) to guarantee the admissibility of the end product as a legitimate piece of literature worthy of the reader's efforts at comprehension. But who are we kidding? We are anything but wise... Besides, your bafflement(reader) is merely proof of the superiority of our rantingability........ I mean, a rant is a rant is a rant... shouldn't take a rocket scientist to prove that.... they are too busy shooting down their own spies anyway......

Speaking of which, 'Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said more than 17,000 human-made objects have re-entered Earth’s atmosphere over the past 50 years without major incident......' -from same article goes to prove that the little dude from 'The Gods Must Be Crazy' may not have been so wrong after all. Looks like these mad scientists have been playing a primitive (not technologically) form of baseball with the gods for these last 50 years.

Of strange fellows and beds....... an update

Another $20k on my nightstand..... Did I say I hate Mondays... I live for the end of them. I cannot wait to have 6 Saturdays and a Sunday.... Hell, I'll do away with the Sunday as well. And yes I do believe in 'Hell'..... How else do you explain hangovers....? You can be damn sure if you overindulge in this life there will be hell to pay in the thereafter.


I remember when I used to wake up after the alarm was done ringing or beeping or just plain screaming..... I'd set the alarm for 7:30 and I'd wake up just in time to call my boss and explain that I was again stuck babysitting my nonexistent sister's baby and that I would be a half hour late. Now.... with the advent of old age's come a curious affliction....My body seems to be rejecting the notion of sleep. No matter what time I set my alarm for... I am now beating it by upwards of an hour.


Case in point - last night / this morning.... went to bed at 1:30 a.m after ingesting enough alcohol to knock out a horse....o.k maybe one of those miniature ones.... I was out so fast I didn't even have time to shut my eyelids. How do I know that....? Well, 5:30 a.m. found me staring at my ceiling without having to move a single muscle.....Alarm had been set for 6:45a.m. Eeerie huh? I know...., hence the Hell analogy.....


So anyway, that's four hours of sleep after not sleeping a wink for two nights in a row mostly due to having little or no access to that contraption we fondly refer to as a bed.....


This post was supposed to be an update on my pending induction into the swinging fraternity of the Greater Boston area.... Well..... the heavily anticipated event did not occur. Something came up.... My inviter (for lack of a better term) developed, earlier in the week, strep throat like symptoms. She was, at her Doctor's request, to avoid any group activities (minimal contact) until she had been cleared.


I suppose I should be glad that he didn't altogether quarantine her off on some far away island.... As it turned out... she was feeling much better by Sunday morning and a call to the doctor's office confirmed that she was safe..... she could return to the human race and essential human activities..... So while I was rather disappointed that my venture - into the highly lucrative (I hear it is) world of porn, had to be put off for several weeks, I'm glad to say that I did pass the 'iron test' with flying colors. I actually came really close to taking her breath away.


I have to admit, though, with the disappointment came a significant amount of relief....... I mean, have you seen those films? Well..... the prospect of engaging my skinny a$$ body against a bunch of well practiced, overly sexed (no pun intended) swingers in their own game so to speak, was rather daunting. My hastily ordered bottle of Viagra was yet to arrive...... and had the benefits administrator of my company found out the real reason behind my visit to the Shrink (scheduled for tomorrow), they would soon have been rewriting the small print on my insurance policy. Now how's that for a silver lining on a frustrated(sexually) cloud?

Part II - Love et al

“It is only with the heart that you can see fully: what is essential is invisible to the eyes.”-Antoine de Saint~Exupery.

I listen well... I shut my eyes and blindly felt my way thru life.... Thus I have stumbled upon life's great lessons in the most comical of ways. You know... like..., did you know; it’s cheaper to buy valentine's flowers on the 15th and blame the florist for a late delivery.......? Or that if you wait till the last minute to do something; it only takes a minute to do.....?

OK... maybe not that, but take my second 'at first sight' experience for instance...

‘It’s the height of summer…. Summer of our youth I should say, when my friend Tony and I drive my old jalopy (no love lost) into a new-car dealership. I’m at this point really tired of spending my hard earned (read numerous dbl shifts toiling in sickeningly shoddy conditions worth) dollars on this piece of junk so am thinking of replacing it.

Did I say thinking....? I've voiced it a couple of times and being blessed with a somewhat larger than normal cranium, the thought has endlessly reverberated thru my head in perpetual echodom. I would be forgiven then, when after laying my eyes on that burgundy colored gem sitting all alone by the entrance to the dealership, I'd lose all my senses - the so called common ones, and succumb to the enticing sensuality of that magnificent beast.

I know, from the moment I place my eyes on it, that I am officially in love.... I also know, at that very moment, that I will never get to drive it; I in fact don't go anywhere close to it as we browse thru their huge inventory for something fitting. Imagine my surprise then and barely suppressed excitement when after casually pointing it out to him, the sales mgr just as casually asks if I'd be interested in test driving it.

'You gotta be kidding me!' I'm thinking as he hands me the keys and Tony and I walk over to it.
Now between Tony and I, we know all there is to know about cars; Peugeots, Nissan Sunny(s), Hilux(s) and the like. He drives a 88 Chevy Celebrity and I waddle, or should I say huff and puff, around in a 92 Plymouth Acclaim. We are not ….Ahem!... easily fooled when it comes to buying cars. This one, though, quite literally floors us. It’s a 97 Cadillac Catera; It's really unlike anything we have ever seen and yes I’m speaking for both of us.

Butterflies in tummy (and not flying in formation)… sweaty palms… short quick breaths not quite getting to the lungs… ok… maybe I exaggerate, but only a little. The signs are there; I am falling(head over heels) and can’t catch myself. It sits there - low, paint job gleaming in the mid-day sun, looking as if it’s hugging the ground, all by itself, looking very feline and ready to pounce. Did I mention what I drove before...? Soon I am engulfed by warm leather, wood paneling and accompanying fresh (new old car) scent.

I turn the engine on and nothing happens…. Well, the engine comes on but I don’t realize it…. I'm so used to my neighbors yelling expletives every morning when I start my car…. this one kinda just purrs quietly until the 6 cylinders eagerly respond to a tap of the foot… pretty soon we are gliding (really) out of the dealership and.... do I see grown men looking over enviously?

I’m handling her like a new born baby and she’s urging me to manhandle her 'damn it' – ‘these boots are made for walking’. We get on the highway and alas! she needs no urging, she’s got a mind of her own and it's obvious she likes to chew up the tarmac (a tiger on the road)….. I let her be and sit back to take in the extras; heated seats, sunroof, power everything.... American space.....

Then we discover the eight speaker BOSE stereo and I'm completely sold….. We drive her back to the dealership and three hrs later, bank account emptied and with credit killer financing in hand, I drive my new love out of the dealership….. They thoughtfully filled her up for me.’

Best thing about inanimate objects is they do not reject you - outright that is. That car, I realize now in retrospect, never felt for me like I did for it..... she came murderously close to killing me a cpl of years later... high interest car loan aside; but that’s a story for another day. Did I mention that I had not in my, admittedly short (1.5 yrs), stay in the US of A laid my eyes on another Catera? Well, in the week following my purchase, I notice at least a dozen of them and in different colors too. I am now very Catera conscious I should say. I’m also very much committed (had I mentioned high interest loan?) in an ‘unequally yoked’ relationship.

She's high maintenance (German parts and all); I’m a lowly paid student struggling thru school and work...... I'm the mellow, laid back, sit back and watch kind of guy; she's like a magnet for attention.... My friends love her; I'm now cool and get invited to parties that I wasn't before. And the swinging moods are really bothersome but when she's happy and fed, or fed and happy.... am in heaven. If am running late.... she'll eat up 30 miles in twenty minutes (relatively citation free). When am feeling low.... the Bose system easily brings Marley back to life.

Eventually, our relationship takes on a southward dive.... It doesn't help that I'm hating my job and the overtime has all but ended. The fact that am facing a very personal recession......and that the loan I took out for her is at the root of it doesn't help either. Add to that the realization that she is growing older and crankier (low retention of value) and that her maker is pouring out newer upgraded models faster than you can say Catera. In the end the strain is literally driving me up the wall and around the bend. The smart thing to do would be for us to part ways.... but I'm not smart; I'm in love.

Lessons learnt in this case are numerous and for the most part eye opening (Pun intended). One stand out lesson is that ‘Love’ is oft used as a poor cover up for our inability or refusal to act on prevailing sensibilities. Kind of like our use of 'pardon my French' to offset the imaginary staining effect that swearing in wrong company has on our 'spotless' reputations.

Love and I.... or the Lack of it and I (part 1)

Valentines day is here again and due to my not believing in love let alone at first sight(or maybe I do and am just in major denial), I feel impelled to revisit this topic and not necessarily to give my two cents either. I'm at the moment broke so that’s a luxury I cannot afford.

I happen to be inexplicably (may be not to you) drawn to girls/women and cars.... I like them fast (talking) and good looking and not necessarily in that order. Wit and something solid beneath the bon(n)et(lol) counts quite a lot too. I also happen to be nearly blind and myopia may have a lot to do with my disillusionment with cupid.

O.k maybe am not coming across as clear as I'd like so I'll relate a couple of incidences when cupid or my near sighted(less) eyes had me fooled... big time. On what else could I really blame my total ineptness when it comes to matters of the heart? Well…. Traumatic childhood, poor schooling, testosterone(the lack thereof) - Lets not get started…

Emma was the first girl I ever fell for.... I spent a day with her when she was visiting her cousin who at the time happened to be my best friend. I should clarify when I say spent - she was around but so was his(friend) Amazon of a mother... Hard to put in a word or touch for myself with her(friends mom/Emma’s aunt) enormous shadow looming over me.... not that I would have, otherwise (being the poor shy fellow I was), but it was a good enough excuse.

She was everything I knew, then, I'd ever want in a girl - completely un-shy, funny and playful. She also owned the best set of white even teeth (perfect smile and yes with the vanity gap too) I was yet to encounter. Needless to say, I was smitten speechless for most of the day with my wit (I really was born with this charming personality) only coming thru for me but a couple of times.... just enough to endear me to her - she would later tell me so herself . I was completely completely in love and could not stop thinking about her from that day till....

Anyway, I dreamt, fantasized, rehearsed and rehashed, wrote (poetry and prose), crumpled and tossed, rewrote and again crumpled and tossed. I managed to send two mails (yes… pre-email days), she managed to reply to one.... I called and we planned to rendezvous, but fate or cupid's arch enemy (whatever his name) would have none of that. You might do well to remember the communication difficulties we had before the advent of Safaricom and the likes……

Others got into the picture... I went to school with some of her former school/play mates and I was not the competitive types... Life or should I say fate happened and we were never to meet again though we did exchange greetings and well wishes via a common friend. Soon we were done with school and she was just but a distant memory... a 'what if' on numerous lonely Valentine’s days since. She's married now, apparently she found her one and it wasn’t I.

Mmmmhhhmmmmm! Lesson learnt; Its going to take more than a day together to convince a girl that I am the former owner of the rib she came from.

Valentines Day.....

Now... who's idea was this? I know sanity is supposedly not statistical but somebody, please, tell me am not crazy to think this thing's been blown way out of proportion. I don't do well with dates... no not those kind of dates.... I mean dates like important event dates..... birthdays, anniversaries, holidays etc. Probably because I don't think they are really as important as..... well..., unless they mean I get to stay home and still get paid as if I worked the shirt off my back.

Anyway, I'd all but forgotten about valentines day till I had this(IM) conversation as soon as I got to work this morning. I was so tickled senseless by the craziness of it all that I decided to post it here for, hopefully, your bemusement and mine. I have changed the names to minimize any cyber-embarrassment risk to either the parties involved or the 'great' company that puts bread and internet capabilities on my table. SA for Secret Admirer is a girl at my workplace that I could have..... ahem!....(sorry! Lost in translation) until I changed my mind. Am sure her version of what transpired is materially different but you won't find it on this blog.



SA [11:49 AM]: good morning

KK [11:50 AM]: hi dear

I was looking for u yesterday

SA [11:50 AM]: you were??? I was here

KK [11:50 AM]: Not when I looked... u must have signed in late

SA [11:51 AM]: oh maybe....

how have you been?

KK [11:51 AM]: Alright.... u?

SA [11:52 AM]: I'm good thanks....

KK [11:52 AM]: Where are my cookies at?

SA [11:52 AM]: i am picking htem up on the 16th

sorry the 26th

KK [11:53 AM]: Ok... I might have money by then

If am still alive

SA [11:53 AM]: why wouldn't you be???

KK [11:53 AM]: I may have starved to death

SA [11:53 AM]: lol

are you sending me flowers tomorrow?

KK [11:54 AM]: most people give me food or money for it.... but if I get any flowers

SA [11:55 AM]: you should just send them to me, from you.... and your heart

KK [11:56 AM]: They cost money.... which my heart is currently short on

I wouldn't be starving otherwise

SA [11:57 AM]: do you get paid every 2 weeks?

KK [11:57 AM]: yeah... and?

SA [11:58 AM]: what the heck do you do with all that money??

KK [11:58 AM]: Oh... Its all gone b4 it even hits my bank

SA [11:59 AM]: that's not good

KK [12:00 PM]: tell me about it

I'd drink to that but you'd have to buy

SA [12:00 PM]: what about your taxes?

KK [12:01 PM]: I pay them too why/

?

SA [12:02 PM]: no, didn't you file them???? and get money back

KK [12:02 PM]: No...not yet... the tax preparers want money too

its a vicious circle

SA [12:03 PM]: you can do them for free online

KK [12:03 PM]: Really? Did u do urs

?

SA [12:04 PM]: yes, they are done

KK [12:04 PM]: Why don't you get me flowers then/

Better yet how about a meal or two?

SA [12:05 PM]: because i am always the person buying... i wold finally like someone to buy for me

KK [12:06 PM]: I see... I would love to do the buying... if only I could

SA [12:07 PM]: Well I do love to buy things for people. But once inawhile it's nice to get things too

KK [12:08 PM]: I so agree with you

SA [12:08 PM]: life sucks i guess..... nothing for me

KK [12:10 PM]: don't worry.... we r in the same boat

I think love is mostly misunderstood and in the process constantly misused. I would love to make that my noble quest; to figure out the real meaning of love, but am currently short on nobility... You lose all pretenses when starvation sets in... my sole ambition right now is to secure a full meal.

Wooden bowls

One of the best things that came with the advent of the electronic age into our lives is the gem that is the sweet little stories that travel around the emailsphere in the form of forwards. Most of the times the author or narrator is unrecognised and perhaps for the best too as these generally have a universality that might be otherwise lost. Here is the last one to hit my inbox - minus the usual admonishments that they all seem to carry along with the subtly undisguised threats of perpetual unhappyness for failure to forward.

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl
tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year - old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess."We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. " The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.
And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when
a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

And she said let there be light and....

there was some tapping of keys,
fiddling with the mouse,
Scratching at the noggin
incredulous frustration.......

more scratching of the head,
down to the grr......
damn this technology!

A swig of the bottle
a little contemplation,
A prayer for inspiration...
A drifting of the mind.................

Another duty forgotten
Another heart broken
All in a days work.....


forgive me Crystal....
its this Mondays
Tomorrow, perhaps, we'll fix the lighting:)

Another Monday crawls by......

My to do list keeps growing and the motivation keeps waning. I woke up this morning and was a bit perturbed that my suicide attempt (an overdose of Russias finest) didn't work. I should have had an ounce of disappointment but I didn't. I don't really want to die I guess... I just wish I could skip a few Mondays here and there. Why would I want to die.... why do people chose to take their own lives..... Its bad enough that there are some who are dying to take yours, why help them out???? I don't know..... I'm sure somebody has some theories.

Or maybe am just gutless; poison... nooses.... knives and bullets.... just the thought of it turns my blood cold. I wouldn't get to that part anyway... a chronic affliction I suffer (writer's block) would have me stuck on the first line of my suicide note. There..., I finally found the silver lining on that dark cloud. My condolences go to the family of the late Eric Kabuga..... may the almighty grant you strength as you grapple with this monster.

strange bed fellows

If I can say anything for and against alcohol is that it 'ahem!' leads to sex with strangers....... I woke up this morning in a not so strange bed... seeing how I started my evening(last) on that bed sampling some great 'tato salad and not so fresh biscuit and please do get your head out of that gutter... for now at least......

Anyway, after a night of drinking and dancing and moving from reggae concert that almost wasn't, to irish chug hole then to nerdy afterparty...... and more drinking, we ended up right where it had all begun and the only thing missing was my mental faculty and 'libido', Both of which, thankfully, were partially restored by the time I/we got up at 12.00p.m. the next day. My body finally getting a full 8hrs worth of sleep for the first time this year.

Anyway... what was really strange was not the sex - which we didn't have, but the conversation that could surely have led there but which instead went past and way ahead.... we spoke about the previous night and my dancing with one of her friends.... I claimed I loved to dance and she retaliated it wasn't that quite.... she compared it to a game - X marks the spot, I guess in reference to my midsection's (read groin area) refusal to part with aforementioned dance partner's posterior.....

She wondered how many phone calls I'd missed this morning and I explained that it was only the Red-Cross soliciting for my blood..... don't laugh.... she thought it was hilarious, but, said I ought to be more original..... how original can one be with the truth? She asked if I was a regular donor. I told her I would be if I didn't keep failing their damn tests.... 'What tests?' feigning unconcern in a most admirable way.... If I were more charitable I'd have nominated her for an Oscar or some such award for good acting......

I explained that they (Red Cross) had a habit of asking very pointed, very personal, questions in a manner to suggest that they don't really want your blood all that much. 'Oh.... you mean like have you been to Africa? Have you been in contact with anyone who has? Are you HIV +ive?.....'
Yes..... yes! She's a smart one this one.
'So which one did you fail? The HIV one?'
And a smart ass too.
'No...' I reply.... The one about whether I've ever been paid to have sex..... This time she can't hide the uncertainty in her eyes as see searches in mine for a sign that I am just kidding.... which I am. Not..... This is America for crying out loud.
I smile and explain that I've now failed their iron test two times already and that my self esteem has really taken a beating. She says that she doesn't see how since my.....ahem!... iron keeps poking at her stomach.

They have lousy testers I explain... She would like to test it herself..... she has a nursing degree she says.... 'I'm sure it will come in handy' I chide. She nods agreement but says the hands won't be necessary.

I'm having a little trouble breathing by now and my hands are having their own conversation at the moment(boob talk). She wonders at their sexploration tendencies and I explain I have some Chris Columbus blood in me. Oh really? Does that mean I'm really adventurous? She wonders.
'I think I am..... '
She wonders how far I am willing to explore and I explain that I am seeking to discover the source of the rivulet snaking down her thigh.

Awwww! I think she blushed.... but my thoughts get interrupted.... she just asked a heavy question.... Even my iron feels the weight of it....

Yes... I answer... but am not sure I can handle more than two....

'And why not? Your iron feels heavy enough..... I think, from my preliminary tests, your iron is more than capable.....'

'Are you going somewhere with this?' I want to know..... Not quite sure I'm hearing correct.

'Yes...' she says, 'and you can tag along too.'

'And where exactly is that..?' Now I know I won't care for her answer..

To cut an already long story short...... she asked if I'd be willing to go to a swing party next weekend (Vals)...... For u who has no clue what kind of party that is..... well, there are no swings involved.

Normally, being the rational fellow I usually am ..... there is no way I would accept such an invite. Thanks, though, to that half litre of Vodka that was still swishing around in my cranium, I now have a kinky date with a group of strangers. Oh! And she will be bringing her yardstick mid-week to get a full measure of my iron....... Strange bed fellows indeed.

Now playing: Bob Marley & the Wailers - Turn Your Lights Down Low
via FoxyTunes

Pizza for lunch today.... Boss is paying for it too and that on a day when I went out of my way to get me a good (read quantity not quality) breakfast this morning..... But am not one to turn down a free 'meal' complemented by a slew of those funny anecdotes that only a semi-diverse workplace can provide. (Semi in this case being me:))

I'm not complaining though... today has been great so far; if I can forget, that is, the awful headache I woke up with this morning. Whoever heard of a hangover after an alcohol free night.... surely this world really is coming to an end.... I think Crystal may be right... I'll need to find me a bunker, I have several Bibles but I don't feel anywhere close to reassured.

Anyway, TGIF... I just hope it doesn't end on a weekend. Then again... maybe it should, .....save me from facing another Monday.......
On a lighter, nigh brighter note - I'm going to a concert by Luciano (Bob Marley b-Day bash) tonight.... looking forward to some soul cleansing mixed in with involuntary euphoria... I hope it ends tonight - The world that is....... Cloud nine really sounds like a good headstart to me. Anyways, cheers good people of the world..... Hope you have an eye-opening weekend....Really

WTF

I wake up this morning and realize that my alarm's running slow again. I check my cellie and nope, I just ran out of sleep before I ran out of time. I hate it when that happens.... so I shut my eyes again and try to go back to la la la land. I turn to my side and feign surprise that the other half of the bed is empty...... Oh Well! I finally start to drift back to sleep when the shrill ringing of the alarm interrupts. I reach over and caress the snooze button and smoothly continue on my downward spiral into oblivion.

It happens five more times in the next fifteen minutes - yes I have a 3 minute snooze - genius, - before I finally give up and drag myself to the shower.... Afterwards as I'm catching up with my roomie whom I haven't seen since that fateful Sunday, see here, I happen to glance out the window. For a moment I'm thinking my car's been stolen, and then I realize that no, its just been re-painted white by mother nature. You know... just like my biological one, this mother needs to leave me the hell alone. I love her and all but I wish she just wouldn't....

Anyway, I'm wondering how the F#$% I will make it thru work today. I am feeling way worse than I was feeling yesterday...... which wasn't bad at all, so you can only imagine. Only thing is everyone at work wants to know if I am feeling any better and so I've been lying thru my teeth all morning. WTF

Un-Official Day Off

'All great truths are simple in final analysis, and easily understood; if they are not, they are not great truths.' Napoleon Hill

Just thought I'd throw that out there.... am sure it will be useful to me one of these days. If you are reading this and it happens to mean something to you by all means take it and use it... I don't know why Mr. Hill felt that he had to tell the truth about great truths, but he did all the same. Didn't he hear that all generalizations are false including this one?

Today I decided not to go to work..... no dear, it wasn't that you exhausted me last night. I must admit though, that quarter liter of Vodka did quite a number on my psyche. I wasn't unwell like I told my boss via voice-mail..... Nope, like I explained to mother dearest when I called at noon, I was just feeling too good to go to work especially on a lousy(weather wise) morning like todays.

Figured I'd do my usual blog surfing in my bed and in pjs instead of my cubicle.... this way I can laugh out loud at the funny ones or really snooze when they turn boring. I would also set up my new laptop (thanks to Dell Financing and the genius that thought I was worth a $2000.00 credit line), finally blog intelligibly, catch up with my online peers, complete a million errands and study for tomorrow's class.

Didn't know a day not working could get so busy..... Gosh am already exhausted and am not even started yet. I'm off to bed....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Relevance

What's one to do when they've reached the top and there is no mountain left to climb... when they've broken all records and made one of their own, when they've been considered great by their peers and been immortalized in the local and not so local lore? How does one stay relevant when we know that time waits for no man.... and the sun doesn't wait for the King?

Happy New Year

Its finally done... we, or should I say I, can now begin my year. Now that the football season is done, my life - temporarily put on hold as I rode the euphoria of my team (being the 'greatest Team' in the world), setting out to make Sport's History, can finally go on..... And yes among my resolutions this new year is that I am officially resigning from my self appointed position of 'football fan' and though I am not necessarily getting rid of all the fan - paraphernalia that I own, I am definitely getting rid of the Crazy notion that my thoughts, my Will and or my prayers can influence in any way the outcome of a game of football.

So yes, no more sleepless nights on the week leading to a 'big game' on Sunday night. No more skipping class to go catch Monday Night football..... no more anxiety about a game that I really knew nothing about a mere four years ago...... and forget about idolizing a bunch of overpaid gentlemen in ridiculous outfits no matter how personable they maybe and enough about football already.

Other than that one I do not have specific resolutions for this not so new year hence why I am writing this now. I do, though, have a theme that really resonates my ideals, so to speak, of what I want this year to be like..... With Reckless Abandon... I will pursue my goals of yester years, I will set out to carve my place in History and yes with Reckless Abandon, I will live my life to the fullest this year and the next ones until my energy wanes..... Happy New Year peeps and all the best to you and yours.
Peace,
K