Oh that I had wings.....

like a dove I would fly.....

I don't write much about my dreams.... mostly b'coz I don't dream much, or I don't remember much of what I dream... or don't dream anything worth remembering.... whatever the case I remember quite vividly my dream from yesterday.

A vividness that may be explained by the fact that I was sleeping during the day, having gotten home in the wee hours of early mid morning after an obviously long night. If that's the case, it would confirm one of my worst fears.... that I am losing my night vision(s).

A rather funny dream in a comically depressing way. Inspired, perhaps, by some alcohol laced commentary on deportation and other things immigrant that was part of a pre-coitus conversation that same morning at Denny's (morning after destination of choice for those of us with emaciated wallets), before I consummately made love to that ultimate omelette.

I was a groom in my dream.... a first for me, and it was my pre-wedding harambee. A fair skinned Goldilocks type sat by me.... A sea of dark faces swam around us, some familiar but mostly not. The darkness was punctuated by a few white ones.... nervous smiles and all.

I was, to put it lightly, feeling the effects of whatever it was that they'd added to that punch they were so generously refilling my glass with. I watched with slight detachment as the glass slowly filled up and stopped just short of the brim.

I wondered what would have happened had it not stopped..... I envisioned the red stain spreading across the white table cloth... this in turn conjured up some nasty images of female undergarments.... I remembered an ex telling me about her sister from Red Hills...

I must have laughed out loud coz I got a kick in the shin from the bride to be... as she hissed for me to shut up.

I looked up to see if anyone had noticed... gotta keep up appearances if we are to get any money out of this crowd, and looked straight into the eyes of the MC which had suddenly materialized but a foot away from mine. He was saying something about the generosity of our guests who in a few hours of horsing around and pigging out.... and not necessarily in that order, had managed to come up with 22 Grand... and that not in Kenyan Shillings.

As I stared into those eyes, I wondered how he had gotten this job..... why had we hired him... besides his having the best credentials on the list..... and the fact that his was the only name on the said list.... what is he blabbering about? What are we all doing here? How I hate these things... this guy had insisted on it... stupid mofo that he is. Its my wedding and I did not want anybody's money.... I plan on taking care of my family by myself... are they going to fund that too?

"Ouch!" That shin again..... I turned to the blond whose name I couldn't seem to remember.... her face was oddly familiar but my vision was blurred and I couldn't quite make out her features. She motioned towards the MC who I saw was now extending the mic towards me.... Wanting me to say something.....

"Here K, tell these folks one of your jokes.... get them to laugh and am sure they'll gladly make that total 30 Gs."

With a lot of struggle, I made it to my feet..... Simultaneous thinking and limb cordination, I find, is rather difficult while inebriated. By the time I was fully composed I couldn't remember what it was that was required of me. I looked to my future mate for help but she was busy adjusting her bra straps; or was that duct tape I saw?

Somebody helpfully yelled 'joke! joke" ....

I decided to tell them about the Sister from the hills but I couldn't sort my brains sufficiently.... I openned my mouth but nothing came out. The room was unnaturally quiet.... I mean, these are my country men and women..... drank and quiet..... very un-them.

'Uuummm! Ladiesh and gentlemen," I begin while bending forward slightly to compensate for a suddenly wack center of gravity.... "my untanned gueshts" motioning with mic in the general direction of a couple of white faces......."friends, family Hic!... family and family to be....Hic! Sank you fery much for making this here such an ostentatious occasion."

I pause to gather my breath and for the wife to be to release hers. There is several sighs from the crowd... I guess she wasn't the only one holding her breath.

'What a crowd of posers......' I muse to myself.

Another kick reminds me that am supposed to be speaking.... I really ought to slap her but she'd probably start yelling.... and I can't stand yelling or scenes in general.

I clear my throat and continue.... "guys, I'll tell you why we need this thirty grand.... and why we won't take anything less...."

I hear what could be grumbling from the back but I continue undeterred.... "See, this here girl and I".... I grab her by the hair and watch as a few black faces squirm uncomfortably as she lets out a yelp and rewards me with a stilleto heel to my toes.

"This girl and I don't really love each other....."

Anticipating a general outcry from the women in the crowd..... I hold up my hand..."hold on, hold on.... hic! Lishen, let me tell you the truth, this marriage is for convenience and not for love..... In fact love was the last thing on our minds when we first met.... and slept together......"

By now I have the crowds full attention... except for some fool who was busy laughing.... must be the only one that got the joke.....

'Ours is a marriage built on lies..... might as well be since those based on love all end up there, right?' This time the pause is met with stoic silence..... they must be marveling at my logic....
So I plod on...

"She needed papers..... I thought her family had money...... no way to fit love into that equation. Hic!" I was expecting laughter but the only sound was that of bottoms shifting uncomfortably.

I notice someone tugging at my pants but I ignore them and continue. "We spent so much money pretending we were who the other believed we were..... We need the 30 Grand just to recoup..." I don't get to finish as I lose my balance and topple backwards, my head hitting some hard object on the way down.

Next thing I notice is a loud wailing noise.... must be the ambulance. I open my eyes slightly and wince in pain as the light hits my eyes. I reach over to touch the back of my head and knock over the alarm.